What a Difference a Day Makes: 'Dad’s death turned my world upside down'

Alix Mulholland of Field Day: "It was a huge blow to us all — my two older sisters, my little brother still in school, my mum only in her 50s, she really struggled. It took us a long time to heal."

Alix Mulholland’s brand FieldDay has been creating small batch, sustainable scents since 2002.

It’s the guts of 30 years ago now — hard to believe. I was a student in Glasgow, with a job in a pub on the Byres Road. April 1997, I was doing a shift, a manager came and said: “Your mum’s on the phone.”

I thought this isn’t good. This was before mobile phones — my mum didn’t even know I had a job, she’d have had to ring the house I was staying in, then ring around to find me. There was no Google then.

I knew someone had died; instinct said it was Dad. I went upstairs, through the labyrinth of corridors and rooms I’d never been in before, lifted the phone.

Mum asked: “Are you sitting down, dear?”’ I said, “it’s Dad”. She said, “yes, it is”.

Funny — the instinct was there.

My dad was an older dad, 14 years older than Mum. I knew he wouldn’t be around forever — I didn’t expect him to go that soon.

But I remember as a little girl, thinking about my wedding day, I couldn’t see my dad there. I’d think that’s weird — I can’t see Dad when I close my eyes and picture it. I could see my brother giving me away, not Dad.

It was a horrible shock — I can remember everything about that day: what I was wearing, someone ordering a taxi to take me back to the student house, the driver taking the wrong route, telling my friends, what the flat looked like, and the can of half-eaten beans on the counter.

My two flat-mates, Joanna and Natasha, insisted I sleep in their bed that night — they’d both lost their dads. I couldn’t sleep — I remember sitting up watching a TV programme.

Dad had had a massive heart attack. There was no saving him. He’d had a lovely day that day.

We’ve a holiday home in the Mourne Mountains, his favourite place on earth, he’d spent the day there tinkering around in the fields, fixing stone walls. There was an old neighbour, a close friend of his, living across the road — Dad died there very peacefully.

The last time I’d seen him was a couple of weeks earlier — I’d been home at Easter. Driving me to the ferry to go back to Scotland, he didn’t say much on the journey, but then he looked in the back at me, sitting with all my gear, and he said a very funny thing: “I’m not going to see you for a long time.”

“Don’t be silly,” I said. “I’ll be home again in a couple of weeks.” And he said: “Och no, I won’t see you for a while.”

I often wonder did he know, feel something … that his time was coming.

I think Dad was more stressed than we knew. He’d run a shoe business in Belfast since the 1970s. Running a business there in those times wasn’t an easy thing.

He had a couple of different stores and they were blown up, flattened to the ground at different times. He was always very keen to get back on his feet — he had a big staff — and he always did. But the stress caught up with him.

It was a huge blow to us all — my two older sisters, my little brother still in school, my mum only in her 50s, she really struggled. It took us a long time to heal.

It significantly altered our lives. It was a family business with his brother, a pretty big business — we all thought we’d be doing something in it.

That didn’t work out, so our uncle bought us out. It changed the course of our lives, but we all ended up doing things we love.

People talk about having a broken heart, like real physical pain. I always thought it was a myth. But from almost right away … the horrible pain in my chest, the tightness.

Months later, I thought I ought to go to the doctor, and Joanna said: “That’s a broken heart — it’ll go in time.”

Dad’s death turned my world upside down. It made me want to take life by both hands.

At his funeral, we heard stories about him that we hadn’t known. How generous he was to a lot of people, causes, and charities.

He left a brilliant legacy with how he had been as boss, friend, and dad. I hope I can do my best to be a little bit like him.

It really cemented my feeling that I wanted to run my own business, run it well and make Dad proud.

I was 19 when he died. I didn’t know him as an adult. I wish he could see what I’m doing. He loved business and risk-taking.

Cleaning out my parents’ house last year, I found a pile of old 1960s magazines called The Field, about country life, really retro. They have Dad’s name and address — put on them by the newsagent.

I got a whole lot framed, put up in our warehouse here, like this little gallery.

So I’ve got a little bit of Dad here — it’s really cool. I think he’d have a good wee laugh at that.

• Alix Mulholland’s brand FieldDay has been creating small batch, sustainable scents since 2002. 
• FieldDay has now launched a simplified product range – candles come in multiuse stoneware pots that can be repurposed or used again. 
• Other new products include incense cones and room sprays in nature-inspired scents. 
• https://www.facebook.com/fielddayire/