Diary of a Gen Z student: I enjoy telling tales but I won't be dobbing my fellow drivers in

Irish Examiner columnist Jane Cowan photographed at her home in Dunshaughlin, County Meath. Photo: Barry Cronin

As of about three weeks ago, you can report poor drivers to gardaí online. There’s some form on some website that you can fill out, if that’s how you like to spend your days.

I’m sure narks across the country are being kept exceedingly busy with this form. I mean, if you want to find something to complain about, the driving practices of the general public is a great place to start. I got my licence about three years ago.

Ever since then, I find myself constantly in awe of some drivers. How they make it from A to B with their life still intact is an absolute mystery, a miracle of the transportational gods.

In my brief time as a fully-fledged driver, I have developed my share of driving-related pet peeves.

Firstly, people that think indicators are optional. My psychic abilities haven’t kicked in yet. In the meantime, if you’re going to slow down to turn, I’d like to be kept in the loop — especially if your choice to abstain from indicator use means that I’ll have to stop and wait to see where driving by your vagaries takes you.

I do, however, find solace in my belief that there’s a special place in hell for such drivers.

Second on my list of driving pet peeves, is the slow driver with a passion for the overtaking lane.

Maybe I’m an impatient person, but I really do wonder about drivers that won’t get out of the overtaking lane. It’s a serious test of my inner calm, when I’m forced to drive behind a car doing 80km/h in the overtaking lane, in a 120km/h zone. I’ve got places to go, people to see.

It probably reflects poorly on me, but I struggle to endure the extra six minutes being added to my drive by someone that’s scared of fifth gear.

I’d take an aggressive tailgater over that person any day.

I often find myself contemplating life’s brevity in those six minutes.

I feel like Jesus himself with the tolerance I manage to exhibit in those moments.

What I’m trying to say is: I am well-acquainted with the frustration evoked by poor drivers. Really, I understand wanting to report them.

RESERVATIONS

I’m sure the RSA is delighted with how easy it is to report dangerous driving. However, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some reservations.

I’m thinking of those people that will enjoy being able to report other drivers a bit too much. The people that will take things too far.

I enjoy telling tales as much as the next guy. I am the youngest of four children after all.

Telling tales was a major hobby of mine until roughly my ninth birthday. But what about the people that will use this as a reason to record all the ways they’ve been wronged, vehicularly speaking? 

Probably making daily reports about learner drivers cutting out at junctions, and spending their drives waiting for something to report.

Where are we drawing the line? Will I be reported for using lip balm at a red light? Is being in the wrong lane a punishable offence?

Look, I’m not judging. I too am prone to the odd bout of road rage — that is if an exaggerated sigh of frustration and muttering the odd expletive qualifies as road rage.

It’s easy to forget that we weren’t always such perfect drivers. We all had to learn at some stage.

I remember the fear that hill starts used to induce when I was learning.

Turning right at a busy junction was also a major ask. The L plates seemed to act as an invitation for road rage, an invitation that was happily accepted.

Take too long to do your hill start? Don’t worry, the car behind is just waiting to let you know.

This reporting thing is probably a great idea, don’t get me wrong, but if you find yourself filling out that report a little too often, you may need to look at yourself. Telling tales wasn’t cool in primary school, and it certainly isn’t cool on the M50.

I might change my mind though.

Get back to me next time I’m stuck behind a slow driver in the overtaking lane. I might change my tune.