Bernard O'Shea: Would you feel embarrassed going for dinner on your own?

Ever thought about taking yourself out on a date while solving the social dilemma of dining alone?

Bernard O'Shea. Picture: Moya Nolan

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

— Oscar Wilde

Ever thought about taking yourself out on a date to solve the social dilemma of dining alone?

It’s a bizarre concept. Why would you eat alone when you could have company?

This curiosity led me to embark on an amusing and insightful concept: I’d take me out on a solo date and see what happens.

Solo dating intrigued me because stepping out of my comfort zone was challenging. Society often views solo activities as sad or lonely, but I wanted to challenge that notion. Could I find joy and fulfilment in my own company?

Throughout history, many great minds have sought solitude for inspiration and introspection. Monks and hermits have often chosen solitary lives to gain spiritual insights. In literature, characters like Robinson Crusoe and Henry David Thoreau’s Walden explore themes of isolation and self-discovery. In more recent history, the 20th century saw the rise of solo travel as a means of self-discovery. Famous solo travellers, like Freya Stark and Nellie Bly, broke societal norms to explore the world independently.

It’s fascinating how different cultures perceive solitude. In Japan, for instance, solitary activities and introspection are highly valued, evident in practices like forest bathing and solo karaoke. In contrast, Western cultures often place a strong emphasis on social interaction, sometimes viewing solitude with a hint of negativity.

Research from the University of Virginia found that people often underestimate the enjoyment of time alone. The study revealed that solitude can enhance creativity, improve mental health, and boost self-awareness.

A Harvard Business Review article noted that solitude increases empathy. So, while I was out there dining solo, I wasn’t just indulging in a personal experiment; I was inadvertently boosting my mental and emotional wellbeing (not trying to get away from the family for a few hours)

To embark on solo adventures, choose an activity you genuinely enjoy. Plan ahead, as this can help reduce any anxiety about going solo. Dress the part by wearing something that makes you feel confident, because when you look good, you feel good. Make a conscious effort to be present. This means PUT AWAY YOUR PHONE! This will allow you to enjoy your surroundings and own company.

I decided to bring myself to dinner!

A unique bravery is required to walk into a bustling restaurant and utter those fateful words, “Table for one.”

In the past, I’ve hidden my social shame by saying, “I’m waiting on someone,” then proceeding to fake phone calls, texting myself furiously, and occasionally glancing at the door with a forlorn expression. Eventually, I’d sigh dramatically and inform the waiter that my “friend” had cancelled.

Why is it that when you ask for a table for one, you’re invariably led to the most secluded, shadowy corner of the restaurant, right next to the kitchen or the bathrooms? It’s like the restaurant staff conspire to hide the evidence of your solitary status. There’s the paradox of solo dining: You’re ignored entirely or given the kid-glove treatment as if you might break down sobbing into your soup at any moment. Eventually, I decided to own my solo dining status. Why not embrace it?

Here’s a brilliant tip: Bring a book or a journal, something to occupy your hands and mind without using your phone.

I began to relish the freedom that comes with dining alone. There’s no need to compromise on the menu, no forced small talk, and no awkward moments when the check arrives. It’s just you and your food, and that can be a delightful experience.

It’s about declaring, “Yes, I am eating alone and enjoying it!” And to all the waiters and waitresses out there: The next time you see a solo diner, give them a seat with a view rather than the culinary equivalent of solitary confinement.

We solo diners are not pariahs — just people who enjoy our own company. Embrace your solo status proudly. Celebrate the opportunity to people-watch, indulge in a favourite book, or simply savour your meal without distraction.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a table for one to enjoy right in the middle of the action.