Dear Dáithí: My daughter wants to go on a 'Junior Cert holiday' to London

Dáithí Ó Sé: it wasn't so long ago he was headed on the Trip to Tipp himself, y'know. Pic: Domnick Walsh

Dear Dáithí,  

My daughter starts her Junior Cert on June 5. She hasn't done a tap all year. 

S he was a great student up until the summer of second year, when she started to wear makeup, stay up late, get obsessed with her phone, you get the gist! 

All normal things for a teenager, we understand that she is going through a lot, but we got a shock when her pre-Junior Certificate results came back, she barely scraped passes in all her subjects. 

She is a bright girl and always did well in school, without it being too much bother to her. But it seems like she's actively trying to do badly now. 

Since the pre-results shock, we take her phone off her at 11pm every night, she doesn't get her pocket money unless she can show us, she has all her homework done, and she is not allowed go out during the week. 

She recently asked if she can go to London for a 'Junior Cert holiday' with three other girls. I know these girls, they are great, and two mums are going as well. 

My husband says we should say she can only go if she gets at least a higher merit in every subject. I don't know if that is the best parenting move! 

What do you think?

 Again, this week I think a lot of people will be reading this, and looking over at a son or daughter on the other side of the rooms saying, this lad is writing about you. 

There are only a few days to go until the Junior and Leaving Certs start, and I’d say the stress levels around are high; that’s normal though, as is this problem we have here today. 

I think it can be a surprise to many parents when all of a sudden, your child starts doing things out of the norm. 

Here we have someone who was going very well in your eyes up until the end of last year, came into Junior Cert year and hasn’t done a tap, spends more time on her phone than anything else, and is now wearing makeup. 

She is growing up, and in a way that is alien to us of a certain age. They are growing up faster than we did at their age, in one sense, and in another, they are only babies compared to the street-smarts we had at that age. I sound like my father now. 

I think they are more educated, and we had more cop-on, if that makes sense. I’m trying to say that without sounding like a total pain in the arse.

The phone obsession is becoming more of a problem, but it is very much a part of their life now. Any time away from it is a good thing and she certainly doesn’t need it after 11 at night. 

I’m glad she is not being allowed out during the week now either, but HELLO, since when are they allowed out during the week? Even when I was in Leaving Cert, I wasn’t allowed out during the week. 

I might be old-fashioned, but I don’t think this should have been allowed. 

Now, this is a bit rich coming from a lad who went to Féile ‘90 when I was 14. I might not have been 100% truthful about what the ‘Féile’ or the ‘90’ part was when asking for permission to go.

The pres or mocks are always an eye-opener for both Junior and Leaving Cert students, and of course for the parents. The best thing about them is that they happen around February, and you have a good bit of time to straighten the ship if needs be. 

The fact that your daughter worked very hard in first and second year means that she has a lot of the hard work done, so with a strong finish with studying until now, I’d say she could be fine, and as you said she has done well before without too much work. 

I don’t think she tried to do badly as you have suggested, I don’t know many kids who do that. I think a lot would think the other way, ‘look, I got a B and didn’t study at all for it’. 

I might be wrong here, but was she bored, she might not have been challenged in class or with the course?

 I think you should ask her about this. There might be a very simple answer to all of this. I’d be very interested in seeing how she gets on in the exams. I think she might surprise you. 

You really can’t do anything until we get the results. Even if the results are good, you still need to chat to her about what happened, there is some reason why this was to process in the last few months, and we don’t want this to carry on into Leaving Cert. 

Now is a good time to knock it on the head.

These are her first state exams and even though she switched off for a while, they will mean a lot to her, so for the next few weeks I think you should forget about the last few weeks and focus on making this next month a calm and happy place for her and stay as positive as you can. 

If she asks about going to London, smile and say, we’ll talk about that after the exams, and make no promises either way.

Now, London.

 I’ve heard it all now. I know stag and hen parties have been going abroad for the last few years, and I’ve also heard of Leaving Cert groups going on sun holidays, now Junior Certs wanting to go to London?

Without sounding like my father again, is there anyone working? 

Yes, I get it, her friends are very nice as are their parents. I can’t yes-or-no here because you are the parents, but if it was my own lad at 15 or 16, I’d be saying it’s very young to be heading to London for a ‘Junior Cert Holiday’. 

And by the way, who’s going to be paying for it? I would tell her that the whole family is going somewhere this summer, and she can have that to look forward to.

After acting like an old man for the last two hours, I need to get my slippers and have a lay down!

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