Julie Jay: We must teach children that nothing in life is guaranteed

Junior Cert controversies have reminded me this week how important it is to teach our children resilience, and to model it too

Julie Jay: "Teachers with a social media presence did their best to assuage the fears of students who had been caught short when asked to write about a short story they had studied, an option which, though part of the syllabus, hadn’t previously featured on the Junior cert exam."

This week, there was a bit of a furore among parents, students, and teachers about a short story appearing as a question in studied texts on the higher level Junior Cert.

Teachers with a social media presence did their best to assuage the fears of students who had been caught short when asked to write about a short story they had studied, an option which, though part of the syllabus, hadn’t previously featured on the Junior cert exam.

‘I just wrote about Of Mice and Men, is that okay?’ asked one Junior Cert commentator. Another student said they had written about the movie ET, while another referred to The Merchant of Venice.

The answer to all of the above is a firm ‘no’, with teachers expressing as much to students who reached out online. Of course, they cushioned the blow with a reminder that exams, much less questions worth 15 marks, were not something to be sweating over, especially the Junior Cert, which will no doubt be the first thing consigned to the scrap heap of history when robots take over the world.

But as a parent, the big lesson I hope kids, and indeed their respective parents, will take away from this mini-controversy is that nothing is guaranteed in life. Exams can be arbitrary, and even unfair, because life itself is often arbitrary and unfair. The most important thing we can do for our small people (and ourselves) is to help build their resilience.

On the subject of resilience, Number One is facing his last week of naíonara before big school next year, and I can scarcely believe it.

I could throw out all the clichés here, because they all apply: it seems like only yesterday we were sending him off to naíonara for his induction day, how the last two years have been the fastest of my life.

As I approach the end of this phase, I can’t help but be a little emotional about it all, which, given my comedy persona, is very much a sad clown, is pretty on brand for me.

The last two years have been wonderful for Number One, although I’m not saying we’ve aced all aspects. We still find it hard to wait our turn to go in the morning, pushing through the queue and jumping up and down at the front door, much like a 45-year-old dad pushes through the crowds to get to the mosh pit of a Stereophonics concert, and with a similar disregard for innocent bystanders.

What I can categorically state though is that Number One is definitely a little more resilient than he was starting two years ago, a resilience which comes with age, of course, but also comes with having to take turns with the Lego and being patient and work with others, even when they insist on eating egg sandwiches at lunch.

Above all, I hope he is kind. And if he encounters a lack of kindness in others, he will stand his ground a little and accept that things don’t always go your way.

A few weeks back, when chatting with his teacher, she professed as much: that Number One was much better at sticking up for himself now, a bit stronger in standing his ground, and a little slower always to outsource the handling of a minor conflict to a teacher. While we want them to know when to ask for help, we also don’t want them to be running to the múinteoir with trivialities like ‘Timmy has the green marker’ and ‘Jamie just said my T-shirt is pink and it’s red.’ (Although to be fair, this is annoying).

Resilience is understanding that sometimes things will go wrong and being able to adjust our expectations accordingly. Much like when the orange jumpsuit you purchased online arrives looking less boho-casual and more Guantanamo Bay casual, these little curveballs in life are a reminder that we just have to make the best of things.

But it’s not just kids who learn resilience through schooling, it’s parents too. Because part of being a parent is knowing that things will go wrong and keeping these plot twists right-sized.

There have been many moments over the last two years when I’ve had a wobble and questioned what kind of parent I am. I have forgotten coats, and World Book Days, and on occasion even forgotten a lunch (I look forward to the day I take up my role as President of Ireland and Number One’s ham sandwich gets a garda escort to school). But it’s all about bouncing back, because that’s what we’re also trying to instil in them.

What I hope is that Number One is a little tougher than he was bounding into the naíonara in September 2023. Because while we never want them to lose their softness, life will demand that they have to be strong. They have to be able to roll with the punches, without throwing any.

Reading about parents getting upset about the curveball Junior Cert question this week, we need to remember to keep it all in perspective. One of the most important things we can do as parents is to help our kids deal with life’s little red herrings. Because when it comes to it, as Forrest Gump nearly said, life is like an English Junior Cert paper — you never know what you’re going to get.