Joanna Fortune: Picky teenage eaters and the questions around weight loss

Dr Joanna Fortune: "Try reflecting in a positive way: 'I noticed how committed you are about your running, well done, I am proud of you for making that commitment to your goals'."

My 15-year-old daughter has always been a picky eater. A few months ago, she started running and has lost weight as a result. I've suggested that she eat more to regain the weight, but she says she doesn't want my advice as I'm not qualified in nutrition. When I suggested seeing a dietitian, she immediately shut down the idea. I'm afraid she could develop an eating disorder.

I suggest that you try not to project too far ahead into what this 'could' become and try to stay-in-the-now with her and what you know to be happening right now. Your daughter is making a change to how she moves and fuels her body. She has increased her level of physical activity but has not increased her calorie/nutritional intake to support that increase in exercise and this is resulting in notable weight loss. What I am not clear on from your letter, and you may not be clear yourself, is if weight loss is her primary goal or a secondary outcome.

You describe her as always having been a 'picky eater'. I wonder if there has always been an emotional charge around food in your relationship as a result of this. It can be stressful to parent a picky-eater because you worry about your child eating enough and staying nutritionally healthy. If this argument/worry has always been a part of your relationship then she will be quicker to dismiss your concerns because she may feel like she has heard it all before.

I wonder if you were to come at this from a different angle might you gain more ground with her. Right now, she may hear you as criticising or monitoring her, which is bringing up resistance.

Dr Joanna Fortune: "Keep an eye on her weight loss as best you can and reach out to your GP and/or Bodywhys.ie for more specific support if this was to move more towards being an eating disorder."

Try reflecting in a positive way: 'I noticed how committed you are about your running, well done, I am proud of you for making that commitment to your goals'.

Then gently wonder what her fitness goals might be: 'I was wondering if you are training towards a fitness goal, like maybe a 5k-10k?'. This helps gain your some insight as to her motivation. Offer to support her in her goal, whatever it is: 'Would it be helpful if I paid for a personal trainer to meet with you and work out a training schedule and nutritional plan to help you reach your goal?'.

You can consult with a trainer to say that you are concerned about her not eating enough for the amount of activity she is engaged in and really want her to hear a healthy message from someone who isn’t her Mum. If she dismisses you or seeks to shut the conversation down, let her and simply add 'that’s no problem, I wasn’t intruding. I just know how expensive a personal training session can be and was offering it as a way of helping'.

And personal training consults can be expensive so don’t do that unless it is within your means and she is really open to using them.

You could also start cooking meals and protein shakes for her and have them ready for before/after her run without any discussion. Just let her know that you’ve prepared food for after her shower.

I also think an effective way to approach her eating is to plan to have mealtimes together so that you are sitting with her and focus on conversation rather than the eating but spend time sitting and eating together as a family which promotes the social aspect of food rather than just it’s calorie and nutritional value. Beyond this, keep an eye on her weight loss as best you can and reach out to your GP and/or Bodywhys.ie for more specific support if this was to move more towards being an eating disorder.

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]