'I had to work through my IVF': Struggling to juggle fertility treatment and work demands
Pic: iStock
Sarah* is a professional in her mid-40s. She has developed a reputation for her work ethic and many achievements in a career spent working for large public sector organisations.
Yet this capable woman came close to mental collapse when undergoing fertility treatment while meeting the demands of her full-time job.
“I’m someone who loves to work, who thrives on stress and never lets people down,” she says. “But dealing with the challenges of IVF on top of a stressful job became too much for me. I was burned out by the end of it.”
Sarah didn’t want anyone to know she was having treatment. “It felt too private,” she says. “And I didn’t feel I could trust my manager with something so personal. He had told me things about others that I thought he should have kept confidential, so I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable to him in that way.”
Instead, she tried to fit her appointments around work.
“I’d schedule them early in the morning or late in the evening,” she says. “I even had a hysterosalpingogram [to check for blockages in the fallopian tubes] at lunchtime. I got bad abdominal pain after it and started vomiting. I had to text my manager to say I couldn’t return to work that afternoon.”
The struggle to fit medical appointments around work eventually became too much and Sarah asked for unpaid leave. “But my manager refused,” she says.
She felt she had no option but to take sick leave.
“Ultimately, I became so overloaded by the stress of it all that I resigned and found another job. The whole thing was a nightmare I’m only beginning to come to terms with now, a year or more later.”
Sarah is sharing her story in the wake of the Department of Health’s recent announcement that it will fund one cycle of IVF, ICSI or IUI treatment for eligible couples.
“This is great news as fertility treatment is so expensive [costing €5,000 or more],” she says. “But women and their partners also need to be able to take time away from work while they undergo this treatment. I had to work through my IVF and it’s not an experience I would wish on anyone.”
Currently, women and their partners must use their annual leave for such treatment. But hope is on the horizon.
The Reproductive Health Related Leave Bill aims to give couples government-funded fertility leave of up to ten days. However, this bill has yet to progress beyond committee stage in the Seanad.
Psychological cost
Clare Healy, a fertility and pregnancy counsellor at www.fertilitycounsellingcare.com, is eager to see this bill become law.
“Anything that makes fertility treatment easier is to be welcomed,” she says.
“What many people don’t realise is that women and couples go through years of trying for a baby before they reach the point of fertility treatment. That’s a lot of emotional turmoil. Then, having to attend appointments and fit them around work adds extra pressure.
“Not to mention the psychological toll and the impact medication can have on mood, energy and concentration levels. Women and couples struggle to manage.”
A 2022 survey of 1,300 fertility patients by Fertility Network UK reveals more about how fertility treatment affects women’s working lives. Some 15% of those interviewed had either reduced their hours or, like Sarah, had left their jobs altogether to undergo treatment. Some 58% were concerned their treatment would affect their career progression and 36% believed it already had.
In 2019, the Irish National Teachers Organisation published a survey of Reproductive Health Related Matters.
Of the 2,271 participants, 92% were female and 26% had undergone fertility treatment.
Most of these women struggled to combine it with work, with 75% reporting that they tried to schedule treatment during mid-terms and school holidays, while others used personal vacation days, arranged their appointments before and after school or took career breaks.
According to Irish Congress of Trade Unions equality officer David Joyce, such findings show the need for the Reproductive Health Related Leave Bill.
“Many women and men have invested time, money, hopes, and dreams in fertility treatments while taking unpaid leave for medical and related appointments,” he says. “This legislation is about affording them empathy and dignity while ensuring that accommodation is made for them in the workplace. It’s very welcome but it seems to be stuck at third phase in the Seanad.”
The ICTU has been pushing for menstruation, menopause and general fertility issues to be recognised in the workplace through its “Stop the Stigma” campaign.
Fertility leave
Some organisations are impatient with the pace of legislative change. Vodafone, Lidl Ireland, legal firm Arthur Cox and Bank of Ireland already offer fertility leave to their employees.
Head of Group Employee Relations at Bank of Ireland Joanne Healy explains why.
“Our employees are entitled to 10 days paid fertility leave, taken as a block or single days, to enable them to receive treatment or attend their partner’s treatment,” she says.
“We hope that policies like these have a positive impact on the personal and financial wellbeing of our 9,000 employees and their families.”
However, she believes such policies are not enough by themselves. “Fertility is just one element that must be backed up by a supportive culture and better education on matters of fertility for managers,” she says.
“By fostering that culture, employees will feel more comfortable having open conversations about their needs and managers will be better able to provide them with supports such as mental health services, flexible working and leave options.”
Confidentiality is critical to the success of such policies. Sarah didn’t feel comfortable sharing why she needed to take time out of work. Nor did 35% of the women who had undergone fertility treatment in the INTO study.
“This hesitancy is understandable,” fertility counsellor Clare Healy says.
“Women worry how they will deal with it if the treatment fails and they have to share that loss with colleagues. They also worry about how sharing their intention to become pregnant might affect the progress of their careers.”
Bank of Ireland is taking a proactive approach. “We recognise that many may feel fertility treatment is too sensitive to discuss at work,” Joanne Healy says.
“So, we encourage them to talk to their manager or a member of our people services team, reassuring them that all conversations are held in strict confidence and that the purpose of these conversations is to provide them with the help they need.”
Your employer’s support can make a significant difference, Clare Healy says.
“Work is such a big part of people’s lives and nobody wants to choose between it and their desire to have a family. If women and couples feel that their employer supports them in what they are going through, it can really ease the pressure.”
Sarah says her experience would have been drastically different had she had support in the workplace.
“If paid leave had been available and all I had to do to get it was talk to HR, that would have given me time to undergo treatment and process it all,” she says.
“We went through two [IVF] cycles and got two embryos from the first, but my stress was so bad that the second failed. Our two embryos are frozen and it’s only now, more than a year later, after having worked hard to recover, that I feel well enough to consider implanting them. I hope it works and we get to have a family.”
*Name has been changed
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