Esther McCarthy: This is why I don’t want International Women's Day to exist

Esther McCarthy: I don’t want there to have to be a day where we officially, collectively, stop and reflect on why women are still fighting for equality and equity. Picture: Emily Quinn

‘When is International Men’s Day,’ he asks.

Oh, says I, turning around to him, “it’s actually the 19th of GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS! YOU LIVE IN A WORLD MANUFACTURED BY MEN FOR MEN!! YOUHAVENOIDEATHESHITEWEPUTWITH!!!”

Granted, not an appropriate response to my nine-year-old son’s precocious little friend who is eavesdropping on my conversation with his mum at the swim lessons drop-off.

And that’s why I’m not in the carpool group anymore.

I don’t want International Women’s Day to exist. I don’t want there to have to be a day where we officially, collectively, stop and reflect on why women are still fighting for equality and equity.

It’s not like we’re asking anything too crazy, like a law that all dresses must have pockets, or all socks from henceforth must all look the same ergo making pairing moot, or finally getting the TV show we’ve all been waiting for into production — Strictly Come Corking.

This is where Cillian Murphy and Roy Keane undergo a series of tests to battle it out to determine who is the best Cork man.

They will have bushtucker trials of tripe and drisheen and Tanora, endurance rounds to see who can sell the most copies of the Echo outside the GPO on Oliver Plunkett St, and a face-off between Cillian and Roy on who can do the best reactions.

‘Glowering’, ‘You’re Some Gowl’, and ‘I Will, Yeah’ will all be categories. But I digress.

I’m just saying it would be nice if we weren’t still tripping over the same old patriarchal potholes.

Just sticking with Ireland (because I do have a word count, you understand), around 35% of women in Ireland have experienced psychological, physical, or sexual abuse from an intimate partner, and one in four of us have experienced sexual violence as an adult with a partner.

That’s your neighbour, one of the mums at the school gate, your cousin, your sister, your friend.

That’s kinda crazy, when you actually think about it, isn’t it?

Add in the fact that the vast majority of female murder victims in this country are killed by people they know and that intimate partners, the people that are closer to you than anyone else, are the most common perpetrators. They are the ones statistically most likely to do you harm. They are the ones that the statistics tell us you have to be afraid of.

There were 1,448 disclosures of sexual abuse made to the Women’s Aid services in 2023, including 307 disclosures of rape. And where there are women, there are children. In a high percentage of domestic violence cases, the kids are also directly abused. In the same year, there were 4,478 incidents of child abuse disclosed to the agency. And keep in mind that many cases of gender-based violence go unreported. 

So, a pretty good start to see an end to International Women’s Day: Just be less murdery, men we trust, ok? Oh, and don’t hurt our children.

And it’s not just the headline-grabbing cases — it’s the drip-drip-drip of everyday misogyny that just wears us out, lads.

We still live in a country where men who have done the most evil of things will get some other fella into court to give him a character reference — and the judge will take it into account.

A country where someone can get a lesser sentence for rape, because ‘sure he was a sound fella altogether whenever I was with him, your honour, he didn’t even try to rape me once. And I have a county medal for the hurling’.

We live in a country where sex for rent is a thing. We live in a country where the gender pay gap is still hovering around 11.3%, so for every euro a man earns, we’ll be getting 88 cents, a pat on the head, and the esteemed honour of organising the cake for the office birthdays.

Don’t forget the childcare conundrum! Ireland has among the highest childcare costs in Europe, according to a study from the Nevin Economic Research Institute. So we have the fun choice of working for that 88 cents or staying at home. The financial burden falls disproportionately on women, forcing lots of us out of the workforce or into part-time, lower-paying roles.

And then there’s the crushing guilt that no matter what we do, we probably made the wrong choice. And because there’s the underrepresentation of women in all areas of power, there’s not enough of us flagging what needs to change. A big part of IWD is acknowledging that everyone plays a part; all genders need to be allies and advocates because this is a societal issue, a humanity issue, not a woman’s issue. But sure, lookit, the patriarchy wasn’t built in a day, and it won’t be dismantled in one day either.

But it’s important to acknowledge that — and celebrate all the good too. Happy IWD to you all.

• PS: International Men’s Day is on November 19, I’m thrilled to celebrate that too.
• PPS: If any production companies want to see my script for Strictly Come Cork, get in touch.