'If I die, I want the world to remember I am someone who deserved to live'

Every single Palestinian in Gaza struggles every day to get enough food and water. We are in the middle of a famine, writes Reham Mahdi Al Jarrah

Reham Mahdi Al Jarrah : 'Even though I am physically and emotionally drained, I put my bag on my back and go to work to serve others and to let them know that we are here and we won't leave them alone even during these terrible times.' Photo: WAC Christian Aid

Bombardment and attacks are happening every single minute here in Gaza city. It's non-stop. We have forgotten what a normal day feels like without the constant ear-splitting sound of bombing all around us. Gaza has been turned into a land of rubble.

Israel’s planned takeover of Gaza city would mean a huge wave of mass displacement of people. I don't want myself and my parents to go through what my grandmother went through in 1948 when she was forced from Jaffa during the Nakba.

I don't want them to feel the same pain, misery and grief that I see in my grandmother's eyes when she thinks about going back to Jaffa someday. I don't want my family to live in the past with just memories and pictures of a home we can never return to again.

My family have now been displaced more times than I can count. When we were first forced to flee Gaza city in October 2023, we initially thought that we would be gone for two weeks, so each of us only took a small bag.

We spent a lot of time moving from one place to another before being able to return to Gaza city in January of this year. Our home was badly damaged, so right now we are living in the one room left in the whole house which was not completely destroyed.

Every single Palestinian in Gaza struggles every day to get enough food and water. We are in the middle of a famine. My family and my colleagues are barely able to eat one meal a day. 

My father has collapsed twice because for the last two months we have been surviving on just a small bowl of lentil soup a day. He suffers from low blood sugar, dizziness and weakness. My mother, my younger sister and I have all experienced hair loss due to malnutrition. 

Reham Mahdi Al Jarrah (right) works for Christian Aid’s local partner, Women’s Affairs Centre (WAC), 'a beacon of hope for women and girls and other vulnerable groups' in Gaza. Photo: WAC Christian Aid

As well as fatigue, we suffer headaches and physical pain. Whenever I smell food when I walk past a charity kitchen, I feel a pain inside me. I don't know if it's my stomach or my feelings, but it is a reminder of the pain of just having to survive.  

Before the war I was an English teacher, but now I work for Christian Aid’s local partner in Gaza, Women’s Affairs Centre (WAC). It is more than an institution; it is a lifeline. 

It is a beacon of hope for women and girls and other vulnerable groups here in Gaza providing protection, legal aid and the psychological support to try and help people cope with trauma and stress.

My colleagues and I work around the clock, often under bombardment, to support women and girls in Gaza. Even though I am physically and emotionally drained, I put my bag on my back and go to work to serve others and to let them know that we are here and we won't leave them alone even during these terrible times. 

These women rely on us, and while most of our staff have lost close relatives, their homes and everything in them, we cannot turn our backs on them.

What really hurts me is when I hear in the media that people in Gaza are admired for our ‘resilience’. Please don't turn us into examples and lessons in resilience. 

We are more than just numbers; we're people with dreams and ambitions. We are capable of doing and achieving amazing things. We are doctors, we are engineers, we are poets, we are artists.  

The world has seen the pictures and the videos on social media of Palestinians being starved and killed and our homes being demolished. If that has not been enough, then what can I say to convince the international community that people in Gaza are being murdered every single day? 

Perhaps all I can say is that this is the last chance for them to act. History will not forget and will not forgive those who were complicit and those who failed to stop this killing machine. To stop the starving of children. To stop this genocide.

We feel like all of our names are on a list, and each day Israel deletes a couple hundred names off that list. Maybe one day our name will come up and be deleted too.

If I die, I want the world to remember that I used to be a loving human being. I used to be a dreamer. I used to be someone who really deserved to live.  

• Reham Mahdi Al Jarrah is communications co-ordinator with Christian Aid’s partner in Gaza, Women’s Affairs Centre (WAC). She is writing from Gaza city.