Fergus Finlay: No politics this week — I’m giving you a quiz for Christmas

As Christmas arrives early in our house, so too does the annual tradition of impossible quiz questions and family chaos

I’m feeling Christmassy already. So there’ll be no heavy politics this week, no Donald Trump, no meanies or nasties.

We put the Christmas tree up earlier than most in our house. It’s in honour of our youngest daughter Sarah, who was born in mid-December, "a few" years ago. She’s probably lucky she wasn’t a boy, because she was born the day — almost the minute — that Garret FitzGerald and Dick Spring formed a government, and it probably would have been a bit creepy to name our child after a politician (even if I had been allowed to).

I was supposed to be present at the birth of the government, but the other birth mattered a lot more. It was much more important to be welcoming our fourth daughter into the world. 

It actually turned into the start of a Finlay tradition, where Frieda always insists the tree is up and the house is decorated in time for Sarah’s birthday. (By the way, I make the Christmas cake around here, and that’s been wrapped and gently absorbing a little whiskey for a while now.) 

What all this means is that I’m feeling Christmassy already. So there’ll be no heavy politics this week, no Donald Trump, no meanies or nasties. Instead, I want to introduce you to a way of torturing the nerds and anoraks in your house over the holidays. (This is not me being unkind. Everyone knows I’m the nerdy anorak in this house.) I’m going to give you a quiz. It’s taken, with the permission of the authors, from one of the most devilish quiz books I know.

Actually, maybe not that bad. This book was compiled by William Scally and Tim Bourke, two old friends of mine. And old is an operative word, I guess — they can both give me a few years, but two more fiendish minds it would be hard to find. The very successful first edition of their book nearly drove me demented, and I still didn’t get everything out.

In that book, they majored on history and politics, but in this one, which is called The Ultimate Quiz Quest, they’ve broadened the scope to include a lot of general knowledge (and even included a few I could answer!). There are 400 questions altogether (actually more because some of them are multi-part questions), and I’ve just picked a few.

I’ll tell you what. I have three copies here, signed by the authors, and I’ll post them — with warm Christmas wishes — to the first three emails I get with all the correct answers. 

But you can also buy the book — great Christmas present! — by ordering it in any good book shop and referencing the publisher (Tara Press) and the distributor Gardners.

So here goes. Some easy ones first.

• Famous TV ad, “who’s taking the horse to France?” for what product?
• Who played de Valera in the film Michael Collins?
• Which famous theatre frequently hosted The Royal Variety Command Performance?
• Custer’s Last Stand was where?
• From 1959 to November 2025, who is missing from this list: de Valera, O’Dálaigh, Hillery, Robinson, McAleese, Higgins?
• A few years ago in the USA, the chant was “lock her up”. Who was she?

I hope you’re thoroughly relaxed now. Probably even feeling a bit boastful. But you need to concentrate, I’m telling you. Try this one. It’s the last of the easy ones. In fact, I was going to say it’s a piece of cake, but actually, each answer is a biscuit. And you have to identify them all to get the answer right. See if you can figure out the clues. (Only saying, I got six of these at my first attempt.) 

• (a) Not these South African mines? (9 letters?) 
• (b) Gilbert and Sullivan looking eastward? (6 letters) 
• (c) Presidential (7,7) 
• (d) For the birds? (7,6) 
• (e) Unstable redhead? (6,3) 
• (f) Cucumber sandwiches, scones, clotted cream etc on the lawn? (9,3) 
• (g) Antoinette’s forename (5) 

Now, here’s what the two lads call a porcine puzzle (this might need teamwork, and you have to get them all!) 

• Great English painter (5) 
• Too willing to take a risk (6) 
• Ambulatory or best served cold (4,4) 
• Once served at high table feasts (7,3) 
• Resides in the eye (3 or 4) 
• Would you bet on this? (10) 
• Kermit’s girlfriend (4,5) 

Before I go on, I should tell you a little about the two venerable gentlemen who have written the book. I know them both from politics and in the case of William Scally, that goes back 42 years. The first day I met him I was a bit overawed — this highly academic and slightly eccentric character, surrounded at his civil service table by a mountain of papers and, it seemed, all of the British and Irish daily newspapers.

It was something of a shock to discover the primary purpose of the newspapers was to study horse-racing form in places like Goodwood and Cheltenham, because William is an inveterate racegoer and punter. But he’s also one of the most serious and wisest political and economic advisers I’ve ever met.

I’ve worked with Tim a lot less often, but he too brings immense wisdom with him wherever he goes — together with an absolute insistence that if you can replace something short and snappy with something really long and really learned, that should be your ambition. 

Their work on these books has been a real joy to watch. They get fun out of it and it really stimulates them. And they end up producing decent quality, because they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Let’s finish up with a few I really liked, even though I really struggled with them. This first one is a collection of toffee bars and sweets. (Some of these date back to my day!)

• It kept sailors’ molars busy (7,4) 
• You couldn’t butter bread with this toffee (12)
• One of Ireland’s most famous toffees, from Limerick (7)
• Useful for darts players? (5,4)
• A proper mouthful, one that would shut you up (10) 

Here’s one that drove me round the bend. They’re all anagrams, and they’re all Irish inland towns. Go on, torture yourself!

• SLABERACRT
• ENENTYLRKE
• RINLUGAML
• TALHEON
• THEIYRSEORCN
• LINSALEBOAS 

That was hard. I’m inclined to think the clues for this collection of Irish coastal towns (coastal, remember) might be a bit easier. See what you think!

• The town of the painful foot (11)
• Sinking Biblical ship (6)
• A mound of sodium chloride (8)
• Elizabeth’s hangout? (10)
• Selling family members here (7)
• Circular shaped rock (10)

We’ll be spending Christmas this year in a variety of households we love, with Vicky, Emma and Sarah and their kids. And I’ll be producing the book until they beg for mercy! There’s no end of challenge — it mightn’t look like it, because of the multi-part nature of some of the questions, but I’ve only asked you about 10 or 11 of them. There’s around 390 to go!

Even as we’re starting the countdown to Christmas, with all its hope and promise, we’ll be back to normal in this space next week — the cruelty and mendacity of Trump, the courage of Zelenskyy, the drift in our politics and British politics. I might even publish the answers to these questions. Might!

Know the answers? Email them to [e-mail]