'I can be around people and feel like I am alone': Autistic adults report feeling lonely and isolated

Adam Harris, chief executive of autism charity AsIAm, said autistic people 'often feel compelled to mask their true selves in order to navigate daily life'.

“I’m not sure what it would be like to have a really good friend. That makes me sad.

That is just one of the frustrated comments from autistic adults in Ireland talking about loneliness as part of a new survey.

This person said they were also sad about not having a circle of friends “even though I’m really loved online". 

"I’m loved for what I do. I’m much better, I suppose, with things that are at a distance.” 

The survey of 321 adults, for charity AsIAm, found just over half feel lonely all or most of the time, with just 9% saying they are rarely lonely.

Some 69% feel “left out of society” with almost three-quarters saying they “often had to mask or change who they were to be accepted”.

Many reported a limited social life, with 18% not going out socially in six months, and 17% for 12 months.

Overall, more than a third said a relative was the person they typically had the most social interaction with. 
The group is aged between 18 and over 55, with 40% living at home with their parents. Another 32% live in their own homes. 

Comments on work also reflected isolation, with one saying: “I can be around people, especially in work, and feel like I am alone. I do not feel included."

The challenge of making friends was often raised.

“There are unwritten expectations placed on friendships and often I rely on others making the first contact as I don’t feel comfortable initiating,” one person said.

Almost all described being autistic as “a driving force” behind being lonely.

Asked to describe a good friend, one person said: “Someone with whom I feel close to, who respects me, and expresses their opinions and knowledge without being condescending.” 

One person described friendship as: “They understand me or at least try to. I know they care and are doing their best and will be there when they can. I do the same for them.” 

However others spoke of negative effects loneliness can have.

“When I get lonely, really lonely, I become physically cold,” one person said. 

I turn up the radiators. I hide under the covers. And empty. And spiteful. And envious. I find myself so often resenting people I see in groups, and I hate how bitter I am about it.

Many spoke of using up their energy to interact with friends or even family.

“The majority of the world is not autistic, so I am expected to mould myself (at considerable cost) to presenting as non-autistic in order to have any acceptance or inclusion,” one person explained.

The charity’s chief executive Adam Harris said: “Loneliness is not simply about being alone — it stems from not feeling accepted or understood.” 

He warned the findings showed many autistic people felt excluded. 

This group “often feel compelled to mask their true selves in order to navigate daily life", he said. 

He called on the Government to fully implement the Autism Innovation Strategy. 

This needs to be properly funded, he stressed, adding: “We would call for Budget 2026 to reflect this need.” 

The charity also recommended practical changes to everyday life. 

These should include easier access to personal supports, transport, and inclusive public spaces. 

An estimated one in 65 people are autistic in Ireland, according to the National Council for Special Education.