Trading bells and dry ice in the planet’s ‘digital capital’

And so to the web summit and the thrusting new face of Ireland.

On entering the RDS, we were greeted by three men of restricted height dressed as leprechauns and offering us the chance to win a pot of gold — which turned out not be a pot of gold at all, but a free pint of Guinness at the pub across the road.

The little people in green, phoney financial offers, and booze — welcome to Ireland 2.0, or as Enda Kenny excitedly dubbed it: “The new digital capital of the planet.”

Well, it would have been the digital capital of the planet if the wifi was working at the venue — but who needs wifi at a web summit?

The centrepiece of the day was a transatlantic hook-up which saw the Taoiseach press a button at the RDS which rang the bell to begin trading on New York’s Nasdaq stock exchange.

Enda has form with this sort of thing after managing to ring the bell on Wall St once — though attempts by his handlers at the time to big it up as a major honour were somewhat undermined by the fact that the Smurfs had been awarded the prestigious gig before him.

But half of Silicon Valley appeared to be crowded onto the stage at the RDS to see Mr Kenny ring once again as futuristic eerie sounds pumped out from the speakers — even if there was some confusion about who he actually was.

One Californian accent was heard saying: “I’m loving this Star Wars music, it’s soooo dramatic! Who are we waiting for? The T-Shock? Oh my god, is that like an ewok?”

And then there was Enda, not from a galaxy far, far away, but from back stage, in a haze of dry ice and resplendent in the type of microphone headset so beloved by the likes of Madonna.

As the RDS crowd burst into spontaneous cheers and whoops — exactly when ordered to do so by the MC — giant screens showed the scenes being flashed onto giant screens on the side of the Nasdaq building in New York.

A New Year’s Eve-style countdown then ensued until bell ringer extraordinaire Enda delivered the goods and sent New York into a spending frenzy.

But, unfortunately, back home he was silencing wedding bells for same-sex couples after putting off a Cabinet decision on a referendum to extend marriage rights to same-sex couples until next week.

Though, in an ironic touch, the footmark taped onto the floor by TV technicians so the Taoiseach knew where to stand for the cameras at the press conference after he opened Nasdaq was a big pink X shape, which he shuffled on awkwardly as he denied putting off the Cabinet decision on the gay marriage referendum.

It was one of several slightly confusing moments at the RDS as non-techy types must have wondered if the stern “No Tethering” signs dotted about the place were left-overs from the Dublin Horse Show rather than warnings not to create your own “personal hot spot”.

But Enda was in a hot spot all of his own as king of the bell ringers, or campanologists as they are officially known — and it must be said he did look a tad camp with the headset, dry ice, and scary music.

In a parting shot, Mr Kenny told the web summit delegates to enjoy the delights of Dublin during their stay — but failed to warn them to remember to take a shower before 8pm, as that was when the water was being turned off across the city.

Welcome to the new digital capital of the planet.