Mind the wealth gap: 'We’ve lost the plot with hen parties, they don't account for income difference'

One friend is struggling with rent, another has just bought a home. A family member is getting married abroad, another is wondering how they’ll afford to attend. How can we best navigate wealth gaps in our closest relationships? Kate Demolder asks the experts

The growing wealth gap between friends, family members, and other halves has placed us in a difficult position

Does everyone you know make more money than you?

If it feels that way, you’re not alone. The growing wealth gap between friends, family members, and other halves has placed us in a difficult position, one where people within the same social circles are taking home vastly different sums at the end of the month. In logistical terms, this can look like anything from a sibling buying a beautiful home while you struggle to pay for a round of drinks to your best friend planning a lavish wedding as you ponder how to afford the hen or stag.

Such was the difficulty for Emma*, who works as a primary school teacher in Dublin.

“My friend group is split about 50/50 between public jobs and tech jobs,” she says.

“Those in the corporate, remote-work jobs are able to go for coffee at 11am or do a Pilates class, to live in a big house that they can then renovate, while the public sector workers are either renting at mates rates, living in modest homes or still in the family house.”

The biggest pain points, she insists, are housing, childcare, and holidays.

“I think we’ve genuinely lost the plot with hen parties,” she says. “I guess they’re not accounting for the income difference, but even so, it’s a big assumption to make that people want to spend their wages in Carrick-on-Shannon sharing a room with a randomer.”

Naturally, housing is where the great income divide is hardest to hide from. Data from the mortgage broker Doddl.ie shows that roughly 37% of their buyer clients receive financial gifts from family to help purchase a home, with almost 15% receiving a gift in excess of €100,000. For those desperately attempting to scrape together a deposit, this can make the game feel exceedingly rigged.

“Thankfully, my partner and I can afford to live in a shared apartment and still save,” Anna*, who works in the music industry in Dublin, says. “But living in our own place or owning our own place is so far beyond reach.”

This gap feels starker still when you’re single.

“You’re always paying for two,” journalist and podcaster Brenda says. “Hotels, tips, wedding presents, bills, the lot.”

It’s beginning to feel like “the whole system is set up for couples,” echoes Tom, who also works in media. “And those of us who haven’t been blessed to find a partner are left behind.

“It’s hard to watch friends pop champagne in their houses while I’m confined to the box room.”

These experiences aren’t uncommon: The wealth gap typically becomes more noticeable in your late 20s or early 30s, when friends you once shared chips with on the bus home now begin purchasing big picture items like homes and cars suitable for a family. Exacerbating this gap is that Irish culture dictates that no one likes talking about money, leading to potential rifts.

“Money is an incredibly vulnerable subject because it touches on identity, success, security, and self-worth,” chartered clinical psychologist and author Malie Coyne, inset, says. “There’s also still a real social taboo around it. We don’t want to appear greedy, unsuccessful, mean or ‘tight’. Even something as simple as asking a friend to pay back money they owe can feel surprisingly uncomfortable because we’re worried about creating conflict or changing how that person sees us.”

Psychologist Malie Coyne says There is a social Taboo around income differences among friends and family

Aaron* blames the wealth gap for the breakdown of his past relationship.

“I was training full time for fitness competitions, with no real financial support to pursue it,” he says. “Coaching classes for bare bones to fund international travel.

“She was a teacher, and her family were well off.”

It was one final straw that exposed the couple’s wealth gap.

“There was talk about a trip to Boston for a wedding,” he says. “It was pretty clear I couldn’t afford it... it wasn’t explicitly said that that was the reason why [we broke up] — but that’s how I felt.”

According to CSO figures for late 2025, average earnings in Ireland are about €52,600. To enter the top 10% of individual earners in Ireland, you’d need a starting salary of between €98,800 to €100,000.

“There’s a big difference between the wealth gap and the income gap,” Emma Howard, senior lecturer in economics, Faculty of Business, Technological University Dublin, says. “I may have a higher income than someone, but if they’re in a position where they own their own home, and also have inheritance, that makes a big difference.”

Perception also tends to add to the idea that everyone is earning more than you, meaning that even if you earn a decent salary, financial security never quite feels within reach.

“If a friend of yours seems to always be buying designer clothes and going on holidays, that consumption spending can send a message to you suggesting that you’re not earning the same amount,” Ms Howard says. “But you’re not taking into account the things you can’t see; whether they have a good pension or savings. Perceptions play a huge role in these things, but the thing is that perceptions often don’t match reality.”

Social media greatly adds to this comparison culture, which can chip away at our sense of belonging, says Dr Coyne. “Part of the reason these feelings can be so powerful is that money is never just about money,” she says. “Psychologically, we associate it with security, status, opportunity, freedom and success. It can even become tied up with our sense of competence and self-worth. We start asking ourselves, ‘am I doing well enough? Have I made the right career choices? Should I be further ahead by now?’”

A rule of thumb for keeping these questions at bay is trying not to judge yourself for feeling completely human emotions, Dr Coyne says.

“We tend to compare ourselves most strongly with our peers, which is why financial differences within a friendship group can really sting,” she says. “The important distinction is between feeling jealousy and allowing that jealousy to determine how you behave towards somebody.”

It can help to put the comparison into perspective, she continues.

“Your friend may earn more because they’re in a different profession or at a different stage in their career. But financial circumstances change enormously throughout adulthood,” she says.

“There will be periods when one person is earning more and periods when somebody else is doing better. Comparison gives us a snapshot and encourages us to treat it as the whole story. The aim isn’t to never feel jealous. That’s probably unrealistic. It’s to recognise the feeling, understand what it’s bringing up in you, and make sure it doesn’t turn into hidden resentment towards somebody you care about.”

Finally, it can help to come back to the value of the relationship itself.

“If somebody is genuinely important to you, being honest about what you can and can’t afford is far healthier than overstretching yourself financially and quietly becoming resentful,” Dr Coyne concludes. “It’s perfectly reasonable to say, ‘I’d love to see you, but that restaurant is outside my budget at the moment. Could we do something else?’

“Friendships shouldn’t depend on everybody having identical incomes or spending power. You’d hope that a good friend would respect that.”

• *Names have been changed to protect the anonymity of interviewees