Bernard O'Shea: A handy guide to decode the hidden meanings in Irish text messages

Have you ever found yourself staring at your phone, anxiously waiting for a reply to a message?

Bernard O'Shea: Texting strips away the non-verbal cues we rely on to make sense of conversations

You see the two blue ticks — proof they’ve read it — but as the seconds turn into minutes, those minutes feel like hours, and your mind races. Was your joke unfunny? Did you sound rude? Is their silence a hidden message?

If you’re like me, you’ve likely gone through this scenario more times than you’d care to admit, maybe even today.

Ironically, texting was meant to simplify communication. I remember when you had to brave a landline call, risking a conversation with someone’s mother before you could reach your friend. Now, with just a few taps, you can send a message without a second thought — except we think way too much.

The problem is that texting strips away the non-verbal cues we rely on to make sense of conversations: tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. When those cues are missing, our brains tend to fill in the gaps, often jumping to the worst conclusions. This tendency is known as ‘negativity bias’. When the context is unclear, we assume the worst.

For instance, if someone reads your message but doesn’t reply immediately, your mind might leap to negative conclusions: they’re upset with you, or maybe your message was off somehow. But in reality, they are probably panic-cleaning up a mixture of glitter and milk that has miraculously appeared on the living room couch.

In Ireland, politeness and avoiding confrontation are deeply ingrained. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to respond quickly and with the right tone, and when we don’t receive the same from others, we overanalyse. WhatsApp’s blue ticks, which indicate a message has been read, exacerbate this anxiety.

A study showed that people feel more stressed by receiving no reply after seeing those blue ticks than by an unread message. We then obsess over whether we used enough emojis, if our wording was polite enough, or if we should have added another ‘sorry’ or ‘just’. Navigating Irish text messaging can feel like walking through a verbal minefield. Here’s a handy guide to help you decode those hidden meanings.

The Single ‘x’ vs. The Triple ‘x’

Suppose someone ends a text with one ‘x’. In that case, it’s usually a polite acknowledgement, especially from an acquaintance or someone you’re not that close to. 

On the other hand, the three are more reserved for close friends or romantic partners. Not, I repeat not your boss.

“Grand”

The classic Irish “grand” can mean anything from “I’m perfectly content” to “I’m distraught but don’t want to talk about it”.

The Delayed Reply

If someone takes a while to reply, calm down. 

But if the reply comes after a long time and contains only one or two words… you might want to tread carefully.

The Missing Emoji

Emojis play an essential role in Irish texting etiquette. A message without the appropriate smiley face or thumbs up can feel cold. 

Too many emojis can come off as enthusiastic or sarcastic. A word of caution: Due to personal experience, avoid using any vegetable emojis. They don’t represent the actual vegetable!

The Apologetic Opening

Irish people tend to start texts with unnecessary apologies, such as “Sorry to bother you…” or “Just checking in…” 

These are meant to soften the tone of the message and are not indications of actual guilt.

The Group Chat Dilemma

Group chats are a special breed of Irish social interaction. The key is to participate enough to not seem standoffish but to avoid dominating the conversation. 

Suppose you accidentally send an embarrassing message to the whole group. In that case, the Irish way is to laugh it off and immediately follow up with a self-deprecating joke or emigrate.

The anxiety around texting, especially in Ireland I think stems from our cultural need to avoid offending. Ironically, this makes us stress even more. 

So, relax next time you’re panicking over those two blue ticks. They’re probably busy, or maybe they’re overthinking too. 

Life’s too short to let a delayed reply get to you. Remember: it’s just a message. And if all else fails I’ve been told Canada is lovely.