Esther McCarthy: Jamie Dornan's Diet Coke collab smells like 50 shades of shite to me
Jamie Dornan: “I’m really pleased to join the Diet Coke family. The ‘This Is My Taste’ campaign resonated with me instantly as it reminds us all to take moments for ourselves to do whatever makes us happy. Especially if that includes taking a break in your day to drink a Diet Coke whilst lounging on a unicorn floatie.”
Hold on to your hats, everyone. Irish actor and renowned ride, Jamie Dornan, will be taking on the role as ambassador for Diet Coke.
Jamie will star in a brand new commercial in October, “which reveals his own love of cold-water swimming, with a cheeky Diet Coke twist”.
The press release quotes him as saying: “I’m really pleased to join the Diet Coke family. The ‘This Is My Taste’ campaign resonated with me instantly as it reminds us all to take moments for ourselves to do whatever makes us happy. Especially if that includes taking a break in your day to drink a Diet Coke whilst lounging on a unicorn floatie.”
Smells like 50 shades of shite to me. Does anyone else think Jamie might need some sort of intervention? This could be a classic cry for help. The man is blathering on about floating on mythical creatures, for Christ’s sake!
What is this waffle about unicorns? It requires further investigation. So I open the image bank, and there he is, beardy Mr Belfast himself, sporting a taut black wetsuit, (wearing it well, it has to be said), eyes crinkled in mirth, perched in a pool on a pink plastic horny yoke, casually holding a can of Diet Coke — as one does.
But when the one is an Irish Film and Television Best Actor award winner, a Golden Globe nominee, and a favourite on The Graham Norton Show, is it not fair enough to wonder why is Jamie hawking a drink largely made up of artificial sweetener, fake colouring, and tooth eroding acids?
The late, great Caroline Ahern as Mrs Merton interviewing Debbie McGee about her husband: “But what first, Debbie, attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?” comes to mind.
But surely, it can’t just be about the money? I can see what the Diet Coke gang have to gain, but what’s in it for Jamie... besides the paycheck? He can’t love unicorns that much, can he?
Celebrity endorsements are an age-old gimmick, I know.
Some of them make sense. Kim Kardashian wiggling her fabulous arse into Skims, I understand, after all, she’s part owner, who else would they choose?
The two Georges — Clooney and Foreman — are on point, with one of them smirking and sipping coffee in a three piece suit, and the other grinning and grilling in an apron, it is logically sound, in my book.
The most iconic collab of them all — Michael Jordan lending his athletic prowess and reputation to Nike — worked out well for all involved way back in 1984.
Last year, Jordan Brand shoes hit $6.6bn in sales. He gets a 5% royalty on all Jordan Brand revenue, that’s $330min 2023 alone.
No wonder Mikey likey.
But not all celebrity campaigns work out.
This week we saw Shane Lowry end his Kingspan sponsorship in the wake of the report into the atrocious Grenfell fire, after the Cavan company was criticised for ”a complete disregard for fire safety”.
It works both ways of course. Remember Kendall Jenner and Pepsi? The brand had to pull the ad after widespread condemnation, with the drinks company accused of appropriating the Black Lives Matter movement and trivialising the police shootings of African Americans.
Oh, what a weary world we live in, when we refuse to believe that a white multimillionaire supermodel armed only with a can of soft drink and a pocketful of dreams can’t solve systemic racism!
Another one that stuck in my craw was David Beckham promoting AliExpress as global e-commerce partner of UEFA Euro 2024.
Can you imagine himself and Victoria picking out a knock-off Champion tracksuit for old Golden Balls to wear, sure it would go perfectly with that deconstructed gathered waist midi dress in pink mist from her 2024 autumn/winter collection. Unknown manufacturing practices and lack of sustainability initiatives, be damned!
I mean, how does he sleep at night? (I know, I know, on top of a pile of money and under a former Spice Girl.)
I just hope Jamie Dornan’s done the right thing for his career. (And that he gets the help he needs for his horn fetish.)
I mean the ad just has to make sense, doesn’t it? Or be funny. We can forgive anything if it makes us laugh.
Remember Elton John in Snickers’ You’re Not You When You’re Hungry ads, or Daniel O’Donnell getting kicked out of the house by superfan Mary (the always brilliant Rosemary Henderson aka Sr Assumpta in Fr Ted) when he offers to take a look at her gas boiler.
So if any brands out there need endorsement for a product that manages surprise flatulence and/or full blown hulk rage over living room doors left open, I’m available.
