QUIRKY WORLD _ The prize-winning pundamentals of comedy

SCOTLAND: Comic Darren Walsh has scooped a prize after showing off the pundamentals of his craft at the Edinburgh Fringe.

The pun specialist scooped the gong for Dave’s Funniest Joke of the Fringe with a play on words in Punderbolt, his first hour-long show in the Scottish capital.

The 39-year-old took first place with 23% of voters with the line: “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free.”

Walsh, who won the first UK Pun Championship last year, saw his quip beat jokes about Kim Kardashian, hippos, and Jesus to win the award, now in its eighth year. He said: “I am delighted to win this award. What a punderful feeling. Thanks Dave.”

Walsh also created a Pun Guide to the Fringe for this year’s festival, consisting of an animated video punning the name of almost every comedian performing in Edinburgh 2015.

The competition has previously been won by luminaries including Tim Vine, Rob Auton, Stewart Francis, Zoe Lyons, and Nick Helm. A judging panel of 10 critics drew up a shortlist of gags which were then voted on by 2,000 people, who did not know which comic had said them.

This year’s shortlist included the youngest entry in its history, with 12-year-old Grace the Child finishing 10th with a one-liner from her show Playground Politics.

Here are Dave’s Top 10 Funniest Jokes from the Fringe Festival 2015:

1: “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free.” - Darren Walsh

2: “Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse... but enough about Kanye West.” - Stewart Francis

3: “Surely every car is a people carrier?” - Adam Hess

4: “What’s the difference between a ’hippo’ and a ’Zippo’? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.” - Masai Graham

5: “If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go.” - Dave Green

6: “Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.” - Mark Nelson

7: “Red sky at night. Shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night. Day.” - Tom Parry

8: “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.” - Alun Cochrane

9: “Clowns divorce. Custardy battle.” - Simon Munnery

10: “They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for...” - Grace The Child

Life journey

ENGLAND: A golden retriever is set to make a full recovery after being driven on a 3,862km round trip through eight countries to undergo a life-saving operation in the UK.

Pelle, from Oslo, Norway, was diagnosed with a “liver shunt” — where a blood vessel within the liver diverts the blood flow incorrectly — when he was three months old.

His owners, Cathrine Sorlie and Nils Christian Nordahl, were told that no veterinary surgeons in Norway could perform the surgery required to save his life. But the couple tracked down vet Kieran Borgeat, of Highcroft Veterinary Referrals in Bristol, who was able to carry out the £3,500 (€4,760) procedure. They travelled through Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Holland, Belgium, and France for the three-hour operation.

Leopard delight

ENGLAND: A wildlife park is celebrating the birth of three critically endangered leopard cubs with a film capturing every moment of their lives so far.

The Amur leopards were born at the Yorkshire Wildlife Park in Doncaster, two months ago and have not yet been seen in public. Only 70 of the animals exist in the wild and the births of these leopards has been hailed a landmark in the campaign to rebuild their numbers.

Doggie bag

USA: A burglar broke into a Virginia home through a dog door, raided the freezer and played with Pokemon cards, according to police.

Arlington County Police said the break-in happened between August 9 and August 12 in Arlington.

The burglar snacked on frozen pops and whipped cream and played with Pokemon cards that were in the home. Officers said nothing else was taken.

Police do not have a description of the burglar, but said they collected evidence at the scene.

Burning cage

USA: A malfunctioning lamp keeping an iguana warm sparked a fire in a New Hampshire high school.

Smoke was coming out of windows from all three floors when firefighters arrived at Alvirne High School in Hudson.

Firefighters found the burning cage in a classroom. No humans or reptiles were injured.


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