COLM O'REGAN: There's something bugging me and it needs to fly

I swear they’re doing it just to spite me. They know it’ll drive me mad. One more insult. There is nothing more galling than two — no wait there’s another one — THREE FLIES at it hammer on tongs in the corner of the telly screen as you’re trying to catch up on episodes of a dark psychological Victorian thriller.

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COLM O'REGAN: Our relationship with our photos had become unhealthy

IT has been a surprising hit in the house: the screensaver, writes Colm O'Regan

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COLM O'REGAN: Opening Lines: Slacks... represent the beginning of the end of summer

You'll notice it as you go into the big clothes shops from now on: signs done in blackboard chalk-style, and a smell of thousands of sensible shoes, which are Fabrique en Vietnam or Laos or Myanmar. (Wherever labour laws are most lax).

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COLM O'REGAN: 'This is the first England team I would not have been dreading going on a stag with'

I felt it slightly. Did you? Maybe not happiness when they were winning. But definitely disappointment when they lost.

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COLM O'REGAN: The heat has turned the world on its head

THIS heat! The world is on its head, writes Colm O’Regan.

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COLM O'REGAN: 'Our next challenge is potty training, the CAO for officially being accepted into playschool'

IT’S just a small tingle of emotion. Not as deep as other emotional moments, like, say, watching another country vote for the first time, or a goal scored from one of those counter-attacks in the World Cup, where the winger hoofs an arcing ball into the path of the striker, who has just run from his own penalty area and hits it without breaking stride.

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COLM O'REGAN: As I read books to the toddler, memories are flooding back

I know we have to forget stuff. Biologically speaking, we need to put some experiences away.

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COLM O'REGAN: Forget the Papal visit. All I care about is the World Potato Congress

FORGET the Papal visit. All I care about is the Potatal visit. Put the date in your diaries: 2021, the World Potato Congress will be held in Ireland.

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COLM O'REGAN: World Cup: What makes an event enter the psyche so that it is endlessly celebrated until all involved are dead?

It starts officially tomorrow although celebrations have been underway for a little while. The 30th anniversary of Ireland’s Euro 88 adventure. Specifically, tomorrow marks 30 years since Ray Houghton’s goal.

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COLM O'REGAN: We finally got to fulfil our destiny: listening to a match in the car with the door open

Yes you could listen to a match while driving somewhere but there are distractions such as other vehicles coming towards you or a shitehawk with italic number plates ‘up your hole’ in the rearview mirror, writes Colm O’Regan.

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COLM O'REGAN: Most humbling thing? Eating your words.

“Truly humbling,” say some award-winners on receiving their gong. I call bullshit, writes Colm O’Regan.

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COLM O'REGAN: The fact that I’m wistful for the days when adults could physically assault children with impunity would suggest I am a natural fit for my new age group, the 40s

“WHAT are you going to do about it?” He had a point. The no doubt necessary rebalancing of rights, between adults and children, means there’s very little I can do about a couple of small boys squirting water at me in a park.

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