COLM O'REGAN: My goal was to find the T-shirt whose slogan was so funny... that women would want to be with me, men would want to be me

A significant capital investment is required. I cannot ignore the crumbling — and indeed bobbling — infrastructure for much longer. I’m going to have to buy some clothes.

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COLM O'REGAN: The pivotal moment a baby learns to crawl and haul

Set a baby down and within seconds she’ll be brandishing a previously unseen medieval mace in one hand and a gin-trap in the other, writes Colm O’Regan.

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COLM O'REGAN: I shouldn't enjoy The Crown...but I do

We’re watching The Crown at the moment. I’m miles behind, way back in series one, so don’t tell me what happens in the end.

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COLM O'REGAN: New reality TV show alert - Secret Life of Four-Year-Olds meets Jeremy Kyle

I’ve googled it and I don’t think it exists yet. There are a few fictional series based on it, but not what I’m planning. I’ve threatened to make my millions a few times in this column, but this could be the one where I finally get enough money together for a shed, writes Colm O’Regan

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COLM O'REGAN: My printer-frustration has been replaced with a sneaking admiration

REGULAR readers know this column is frequently about nothing at all, writes Colm O’Regan.

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COLM O'REGAN: Let's talk Netflix's Queer Eye

It’s a shameless heart-string tugger at times. I don’t care. When the craggy loveable oldish guy started crying while saying goodbye to the five mentors in episode 1, I was snotting like a toddler, writes Colm O’Regan

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COLM O'REGAN: I get stood up when selling second-hand stuff online

My dating days are long behind me so I don’t get many opportunities to be stood up. Except in one area: Selling second-hand stuff online, writes Colm O’Regan

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COLM O'REGAN: Do you remember when powercuts were so common you hardly remember them at all?

Inniscarra Dramatic Society was putting on a production of… well no one is clear to this day what it was. They hired a man called Suni to teach some singing and dancing for a variety show, writes Colm O’Regan

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COLM O'REGAN: The snow of 1987 has been followed by nothing but disappointment

The 1987 snow ruined me. Because it raised expectations that there would be similar snow every year. But most snows since then have been, quite frankly, crap, writes Colm O’Regan

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COLM O'REGAN: I’m sad about Liam Ruiséal’s because I played a part in its downfall

Liam Ruiséals: I’m sad it’s going. It was the school books that got me in and then the exam papers. Round about September, the booklets of past Junior Cert and Leaving Cert papers would take over a section in the corner, says Colm O’Regan

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COLM O'REGAN: Opening lines: Soon we will rent out bits of our brain for storing Facebook memories

You can’t go to a conference now without someone putting up on a big screen some variation of the idea that “most of the jobs of the future haven’t been invented yet”.

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COLM O'REGAN: I told Duolingo I wanted to do the 'Insane' level of Spanish per day

My vital signs are showing good numbers, says Colm O’Regan

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COLM O'REGAN: A volunteer in a high-vis is my weak spot

It’s the time of year when a no-longer-young man’s heart turns to writing a column about trying to take up running again, writes Colm O’Regan.

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