The Year in Guff: Punditry blunders of 2016

Mickey Quinn won’t collar Wayne Rooney:

“He’s a scapedog.”

Mark Warburton cherry- picked:

“From start to finish, we were very good in parts.”

Craig Wakeling feared for Arsenal’s injury woes:

“Santi Cazorla will have knee surgery on an ankle injury.”

Theological confusion from David Pleat:

“Moses has been born again.”

Micky Gray hailed show of strength:

“Payet had taken the bull by the scruff of the neck.”

Religious uncertainty from Mark Lawrenson:

“Just listen to these Christian names; Mohamed, Mesut…”

Multimedia Steve Claridge:

“That’ll make uncomfortable reading when they watch the video tomorrow.”

The Glenn Hoddle cokey:

“They’re sitting ducks standing there.”

Jake Robson on a setback for The Stags:

“Mansfield are down to 11 men.”

Wise counsel from Jim Beglin:

“When you’re unsure you’ve got to be decisive.”

Stan Collymore treaded water:

“We’re so far away I need a periscope to see that.”

Jamie Carragher worried about Vincent Kompany:

“Is his body in the right frame of mind?”

John Murray on the dextrous Pep Guardiola:

“Whirling his arms, barking out instructions, his hands on his hips.”

Sticks and stones and Michael Stewart:

“That’s adding insult to the wound.”

Phil Neville smells balance:

“Eden Hazard has a low sense of gravity.”

Charlie Adam faced facts:

“I would say it’s difficult to keep clean sheets if you are conceding goals.”

Steve McManaman was a hard man to satisfy:

“Lallana gets caught ball watching… he’s not looking at the ball.”

John Hartson has seen terrible things:

“I’ve seen players get sent off for a lot worse than that.”

Kevin Kilbane watched the Hornets reverse up the table:

“Once Watford get their tails in front, they’re hard to beat...”

Stuart Pearce made a meal of Arsenal:

“They went to Hull, which was a potential potato skin.”

Mark Halsey on the clampdown on penalty area grappling:

“Mike Dean went out on a tandem…”

Alan Shearer dug deep:

“Mike Dean has drawn a line under the sand.”

Newcastle were champions in Jason Cundy’s past life:

“If you look back at the last time they won a trophy in our lifetime, it was before I was born.”

Jeff Collins gives it 150%:

“The pitch is half mud, half sand, and half grass.”

Logic with Scott Hogan:

“I set high standards because I always believe if you fall short of those high standards then you are still achieving a high standard.”

Ruthless Francis Benali:

“John Stones will have his hands cut out today.”

Ian Wright was in two minds about Claudio Bravo:

“There’s indecision and indecisiveness.”

Martin Keown is stuck on Ozil:

“He’s the glue that makes everything tick.”

John Anderson rabbited on:

“Wijnaldum looks like a chicken in the headlights.”

Sam Allardyce excused Jan Kirchhoff:

“You cannot judge a man on one swallow.”

What Paul Merson gives with one hand...

“I’d play him all day long, even if it’s only for 45 mins.”

Keith Andrews wrote off Belgium:

“They have too many Indians, not enough foot soldiers.”

Martin Keown jumped the gun:

“Gareth Bale is the best player in Europe.... One day, he’ll overtake Ronaldo.”

Niall Quinn was thrown out of Last Chance Saloon:

“Last chance alley.”

Ian Holloway expertly traces where it all went wrong:

“Four-nil is a consequence of three-nil.”

The John Hartson adage:

“Results win games. Not systems and tactics.”

Adrian Durham issued a health warning:

“Fulham have signed an Icelandic international. You wait for it; they’re going to have the clap at Craven Cottage.”

Mark Lawrenson rewrote history:

“It’s like the Titanic, someone will eventually turn them around.”


Brian Kerr

For coining the Dublin equivalent of tiki taka:

“Knicky knacky stuff.”

On glum Jose Mourinho:

“He still had a face on him like a robber’s dog.”

On protesting defenders:

“Hands out pleading innocence like a fella who never robbed his sister’s lollipop.”

On David Silva:

“He’s only a little lad. You might find him at the bottom of a lucky bag.”

On Henrikh Mkhitaryan:

“Like a stupid dog running after a bone that someone keeps moving all the time.”


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