The year in guff: “If you take away the top seven, they're top.”

Do you remember who said: “That five years as an electrician probably just grounded myself”?

Sam Matterface was all at sea:

“What happened to the Bournemouth defence there? They just seemed to part like the Atlantic Ocean.”

Glenn Hoddle over-complicated the past-life business:

“Tottenham’s future history could be the best we’ve ever seen.”

Sky interviewer:

“Is it all about unity tonight?” Craig Shakespeare “Yes... and togetherness.”

West Brom took the Paul Merson shortcut to glory:

“If you take away the top seven, they’re top.”


Niall Quinn got to the bottom of Manchester City’s early year problems:

“Defeats and draws have definitely cost them points.”

Clive Allen didn’t think much of Leicester’s scoring threat:

“That penalty save has just given them the impotence.”

Phil Neville on where it all went wrong for the Foxes:

“Some players have taken their eye off the gas.”

Sam Matterface cried fowl:

“They’ll be counting their lucky chickens.”

Sky Sports interviewers were concealing the answer in the question. To Wayne Rooney:

“Twelve years ago, you scored your first goal for United. How long of a journey has it been?”

Perry Groves had the least sensitive take on Kevin Doyle’s retirement due to concussion worries:

“He has decided to knock it on the head.”

Merse had little faith in David Moyes’ DIY skills at the Stadium of Light:

“When he took the job, it didn’t say what it said on the tin.”

Ray Parlour played the percentages - would John Terry leave Chelsea?:

“60/40 no, I think it’s more 60/30 for me.”

Brian Kerr had the measure of Diego Costa’s dial tone:

“If he was in a phone box on his own he’d start a fight; he’d probably ring the operator.”

Harry Kane rooted around under Tottenham’s bonnet:

“We know we’ve got another gear in the locker.”

Tony Cascarino put everyone off their Christmas dinners:

“The French love game birds like pheasant and Guinea pig.”

Mike Phelan has been an impeccably professional pundit:

“I’ve watched Man City this season with open eyes.”

Peter Martin hadn’t a leg to stand on:

“The fans are heading home with their heads firmly between their tails.”

Paul Merson was baulked by the Theatre of Dreams surface:

“Old Trafford is like a snooker table painted green.”

Peter Schmeichel tried to fit a round metaphor into...:

“He came with a square hole and tried to fit it in a round box.”

Joanne Cantwell had an update on the unsettled domestic form of Liverpool’s error-prone centre-half:

“The game overshadowed by Dejan Lovren’s revelation he has received death threats from his family.”

Micky Gray gave Lyon fans something to chew on:

“They’ve got their tail between their teeth.”

Ger Canning on wildly contrasting midfield issues:

“Too predictable from Cork City’s point of view, too easy to read from Derry’s.”

A difference of opinion the Tony Cascarino way:

“They’re at leatherheads.”

Count on David Pleat:

“The possession stats at one point were 77% to 33%.”

If Eamon Dunphy is to be believed, the biggest threat to United is insolvency due to an Anthony Martial scoring streak:

“Every time Martial scores for United, Monaco get two mil.”

Tim Sherwood on the Golden Boot race:

“If anyone finishes behind Harry Kane he’ll be doing ok.”

Stuart Pearce gives thanks that life before football kept him down to earthed:

“That five years as an electrician probably just grounded myself.”

Glenn Hoddle was out of step:

“Leicester have a spring in their shoe.”

Iain Dowie felt Ronald Koeman had future-proofed the Toffees:

“Everton are playing with more clairvoyance in the second half.”

Things went badly wrong for Danny Kelly:

“Amazing news of the title race in Italy where suddenly things are going badly wrong for Feyenoord.”

Tony Cascarino seeded some Sergio Aguero rumours:

“Clubs will be aware City are willing to listen to offers. That would spread like wildflower.”

Chris Sutton’s experiments found 100°C to be the maximum temperature:

“Boiling point is boiling point. You don’t get higher than that.”

Tony Cas was well ahead of his time on Twitter:

“I never got a phone call from Jack Charlton. No one did.... you looked at the teletext or you found out on social media if you were in the squad.”

What Paul Merson gave with one hand:

“Naismith went off very tired. Like at Everton, he ran tirelessly.”

Sticks and stones with Niall Quinn:

“That’s rubbing insult into the wound.”

Solid advice from Alan Pardew for trips to Stoke:

“I always say to my teams here, try to get to half-time level or winning.”

Martin Keown also got to grips with football for the first time:

“It’s become an exercise of how many goals can you score and how many can you keep out.”

Neil Lennon distanced himself from accuracy:

“The referee said he was 15 metres away. That’s what, 30 or 40 yards?”

Bobby Gould went dental:

“If it stays like this, we’re sitting on the edge of our teeth.”

Callum O’Dowda was disappointed by Ireland’s return from the World Cup play-off first leg:

“We wanted to come here and take three points”

Lee Dixon slapped a cap on Spurs progress:

“Dele Alli’s talent is unlimitless.”

Peter Collins:

“Dan, you see a pattern emerging?”

Dan Murray:

“Yeah, inconsistency…”

Mickey Gray on Andy Carroll’s England potential:

“He’s something different to what we’ve not got.”

Martin Keown took a spin on Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:

“He looks like a Rolls Royce, galloping through that defence.”

Things got messy in Glasgow, according to Alan Stubbs:

“Brendan Rodgers has certainly thrown a little spanner in the melting pot.”

Darren Gough on Sergio Aguero’s concrete progress:

“He’s got the grit between his teeth.”

Paul Merson gamely stuck by his beliefs:

“I’m a big believer in teams winning football matches.”

Niall Quinn found certain faults with slow-motion technology:

“I don’t think the replay can quite do justice to how much pace was on that.”


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