Warning: this column’s a saddening bore, ‘cos I’ve wrote it 10 times or more. It’s about to be writ again.
Look, I’ve been buying the bugger’s records for 40 years. If you thought there wasn’t going to be a Bowie reference this week, you’re crazy.
Okay, get your “only great in the 70s and 80s” digs in. I did have “heroes, just for one day” on standby but forgot we were Liverpool, forgot we were playing United, forgot what we’re like on corners. Maybe I’m prematurely senile?
The Arsenal game divided opinion between those who enjoyed an old- fashioned ding-dong and those who look at the defence and goalkeeper only to wonder why the rest even bother any more.
Talk of Mignolet getting a contract extension crashed the internet. Bowie sang about five years and the death of a planet; Liverpudlians lamented Mignolet’s five years and the death of all hope.
The same coach, Achterberg, has overseen the demise of Reina and Mignolet while the likes of Jones and Bogdan also floundered badly. When some young loanee returning from Aberdeen gets everyone excited, that’s the moment you start asking some serious and relevant questions.
Like; what does this fella know; how does he keep his job? There’s a line in Citizen Kane; “he knows where the bodies are buried” — probably literally in Sturridge’s case. Klopp’s not even brave-facing it about Daniel now. “Will Sturridge be available?” “No”. “Do you know when he will be available?” “No”. When a motormouth like Jurgen clams up, you know he’s as pissed off as everybody else.
At least Firmino’s looked decent lately. He’d previously resembled other big transfers who only ever pay Liverpool back with torrents of national mockery, but those were quality goals. Needless to say, his finishing returned to its dismal variation yesterday.
Klopp wants excitement and nobody says we’re not getting it, but the occasional 1-0 trudge wouldn’t go amiss. For 70 minutes against United, hope was dangled in our faces that we might get precisely that. A United winner didn’t seem remotely likely but then it never has to, does it?
Their grip on this fixture only loosened slightly when Moyes was weaving his tragic magic but it’s returned with a vengeance now. Their lot did so much crying about Van Gaal, it felt like they’d welcome some kind of Anfield purgatory to shove him closer to hell. He’s even calling journalists ‘fat’, which angered them, as they’d never make personal remarks. Oh no.
I’m not saying we didn’t play okay but any team with no strikers tends to blow hot and cold. Is Klopp really going to try and get through the next four months without a goalscorer? Forget Benteke, he’s clearly on the naughty step, relegated to the desperate, Dambusters “launch it” plan Z.
It seems likely Lallana will leave Anfield without ever being used in a position that shows him off to anything like his best, while workhorses occupy midfield with shooting to match.
Only once did we really look like scoring, when Can got it on target and through De Gea’s legs. A fragment of ankle sent it spinning wide, and you thought you knew the eventual outcome.
Then they got a corner, and you definitely knew. I’ve always thought they pull this kind of stunt on purpose, like Van Gaal was in radio contact with Rooney and could win any time he wanted.
“Now?” No. “Now?” No. “Now?!?” When I say so… okay, now. Everyone in the ground knew the huff and puff that followed would be a waste. It was the nightmare moment when legs won’t move and the horror has come. I’ve no idea why anyone thinks it’ll ever be any different. Another sunken dream.
Klopp wants excitement and nobody says we are not getting it but the occasional 1-0 trudge wouldn’t go amiss
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