TERRACE TALK: Liverpool - Can we open the chequebook, please?

“Sorry, who’s been spending?”

“Wenger”

“Arsene Wenger?”

“Yeah”

“Arsene Wenger of Arsenal?”

Come on, Liverpool, this is getting stupid now. After selling Benteke, the infamous net-spend is so low you couldn’t see it with a microscope and even Scrooge McDuck is opening his wallet now.

Then Klopp claims Milner’s admittedly quality performance at Spurs was the reason we don’t have to buy a left-back.

I’d like to stage that interview again, this time with the German goof attached to a lie detector (and something that triggers electric shocks when he tells porkies).

It’s an insult to the intelligence, not one he’ll be quickly forgiven for.

The thing with Milner is he’ll always try his best. That’s what makes him James Milner.

Ask him to play Vivaldi on his nose hairs with a rusty knife and he’d give it a go. Saying this plaster on a broken leg is a real solution beggars belief; saying it was pre-meditated is contemptible.

Klopp can do no wrong for many, though. He’s reached the Benitez stage, where nothing sticks, years ahead of schedule. Rafa had to win a European Cup to be treated that way, but desperate times often see desperate behaviour.

All week there’s been talk of Chinese investment. That always happens whenever Liverpool stink the place out, as they did so pungently at Burnley. The usual supporter reaction is a derisive snort and then it goes quiet again.

This time it’s lingered, but only the talk about the Yanks giving up a portion of the club for cash.

“Give us loads of money for no power or influence”.

Not. Gonna. Happen.

With the team falling further and further behind the others, with television throwing more money at the game than ever before, such greed is driving fans crazy.

We walked out in the middle of a game last season.

“Lesson learned,” they said. ‘Whatever’ seems to be the actual response.

This all comes after a decent week. Liverpool should beat Burton Albion but given some of the complacency against weaker sides since Klopp came, it was nice to see some commitment and (whisper it) efficiency for once.

Tottenham was even better, for an hour anyway. You shouldn’t really be shrugging your shoulders after we give a good account of ourselves against a quality side on their own patch but it’s become passé.

Sadio Mane looks good, maybe Firmino is another Coutinho but at least he showed up at Spurs whereas his pocket-sized compatriot didn’t.

We should have been out of sight before half-time but we weren’t because of poor finishing and a cowardly referee. You probably don’t get the second penalty if the first’s given (New Directive, my arse) but that’s how we speak about the rules nowadays; sweets handed out democratically, not by what actually happens.

I suppose you can’t complain about the point, although talk of Spurs deserving it for their last 30 minutes was a stretch. They were second best and they knew it.

It’s a shame Liverpool created so much and converted so little. If only we had someone at the club who could score goals as easily as breathing… Okay, sarcasm’s not very becoming in the elderly. Apologies, but the treatment of Sturridge is baffling.

He can certainly be a self-absorbed little nark and all that sky-pointing is never a good sign, but he’s the best we’ve got and throwing on a workhorse like Origi spoke of lowered ambitions.

The equaliser and struggle afterwards didn’t really come as a shock.

Clean sheets are rare. That means you need two or three goals to even stand a chance of winning. Matip looked decent but you can’t pin all your hopes on him.

Transfer deadline day looms. Liverpool may be returning from international duty with another seething Kop on its hands.


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