Our super sleuth recognises the moaners and chancers and spoofers and stars of the season with his inaugural awards ceremony, writes The Secret Footballer.

The Gunners signed off with a sumptuous first-half of mesmerising football against the Baggies, thereby guaranteeing that they’ll be wearing their flip-flops for a few weeks longer this summer, not having to don their boots and psyche themselves up so soon, for such an influential Champions League qualifier.

The first thing about Roy Keane’s latest book is that it’s brilliant. Or since it was Roddy Doyle who ghosted it, and not our old mentor Cormac MacConnell, it’s f**king brilliant, deadly altogether, writes Kieran Shannon.

Steven Gerrard has called on Harry Redknapp to name and shame the ex-Tottenham stars who he claims skipped England duty.

Republic of Ireland manager Martin O’Neill has warned his players that the clash against Latvia does not take on less significance because it is a friendly.

Aston Villa boss Paul Lambert backed Sunderland counterpart Martin O’Neill to get it right after inflicting a demoralising defeat on his side.

Striker Steven Fletcher has admitted his relief at finally securing his move to Sunderland.

Even though John Delaney is being extremely well paid to excel in the area of leadership, we’ve often wondered has he ever dedicated a tiny chunk of his time and salary to study a course or even read a book on the subject?

There was good reason why Mourinho and Ancelotti stuck with the English core they inherited at Chelsea

Whether he intended to or not, Anthony Foley publicly kick-started the great Munster coaching succession race yesterday as the province confirmed the departure of present incumbent Tony McGahan at the end of this season.

MARK HUGHES will speak with Anton Ferdinand this week to check he is ready to face John Terry in the fourth round clash.

GIOVANNI TRAPATTONI and Marco Tardelli had rather different takes on Ciaran Kelly’s starring role as a substitute keeper in Sligo Rovers’ penalty shoot-out win in the FAI Cup final on Sunday.

RYAN TAYLOR scored a goal his six-week-old son will be hearing plenty about in the years to come to cemented Newcastle’s place among the Premier League’s top three.

YOU know the Arsenal must be in big trouble when even your Tottenham pals commiserate with you.

STUCK in traffic on a depressingly dreary Friday, it was hard to believe it was only the day before that we’d been watching the Champions League draw, plotted up in the Venice sunshine, fantasising about further European glory.

STEVE STAUNTON has defended his performance as manager of the Republic of Ireland, insisting yesterday that his record “speaks for itself”.

Republic of Ireland goalkeeper Keiren Westwood is in no mood to pat himself on the back after sealing his return to the Premier League.

SUNDAY’S triumphant victory over Man United was tinged with the bittersweet regret about what might have been.

OKAY, hands up. Never mind the never-ending saga of Manny Eboué’s infuriating naivety, I take full responsibility for the injury-time fiasco at the Emirates on Sunday.

IT’S BEEN a highly entertaining first few months of the season, with so many sides capable of playing with the sort of panache that has enabled them to take points from anyone, on any given weekend.

PESSIMIST that I am, it seemed obvious to me that the Gunners would blow a rare opportunity to capitalise on a Chelsea defeat.

THERE were plenty of eyebrows raised on Sunday, when we realised that Alex Song wasn’t coming out for the second-half.

IT would be all too easy to be sucked in by all the hyperbole following Saturday’s astounding goal-fest at Goodison.

Former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho claims he has been told by friends at Stamford Bridge that Carlo Ancelotti will be in charge next season.

BEFORE the events of this week, the last time I had written about Roy Keane was in the immediate aftermath of his shock departure from the Stadium of Light when, amid the general air of gloom and doom on Wearside, I asked that people spare a thought for the owners of a public house in Sunderland who had just been forced to put their business up for sale.

HARRY REDKNAPP already has the title for his autobiography — ‘Never A Dull Moment’, for the record — and now he has sketched out a suitably happy ending.

Super Tuesday across the pond yesterday in the American Presidential primaries, the day when the best candidates are separated from the rest, from the also-rans; Super Tuesday in Clonmel also, the second day of the National Coursing Meet.

Alan Pardew will do whatever it takes to give Charlton the edge in their battle for Barclays Premiership survival.

Robert Huth’s move to Middlesbrough is understood to have hit a snag.

Richard Johnson, forced to give up the big-race rides on Monkerhostin and One Knight over the Christmas period, returned to winning ways at Taunton for Philip Hobbs.

Newcastle boss Bobby Robson is determined to draw a line under an eventful week by claiming a first Premiership win of the season against Southampton.

NO Doubt about it, yesterday was the most tumultuous day of world affairs since the Russians lost the Eurovision song contest.