Mamma mia! “Large public events might be cancelled,” Britain’s health secretary glumly admitted to a brow-furrowed interviewer on Sunday morning, as various worst-case coronavirus scenarios were put to him. Every United fan in the country will have immediately had the same thought: “What?"
Mon, 02 Mar, 2020
Get your thinking cap on. Can you remember a more negative build-up to any United game in your life? I can’t. Try as I might, I couldn’t find anyone sensible who thought the result would be anything other than a defeat. Pressed for a further opinion, most of the lads I know offered various estimates of the size of the new bodily aperture we would be acquiring — “be it torn, punched, or drilled,” helpfully expanded a colleague.
Mon, 20 Jan, 2020
May I be the first to wish you a happy new year, dear reader? Yes, that’s jumping the gun a tad; but being premature is very à la mode, it seems. Because Liverpool FC are the 2019 champions, or so we are told by most of the English media, so we may as well all go home.
Mon, 31 Dec, 2018
As a 1970s Mancunian boy, I lived in fear of Manchester City winning the league title. As a 1980s teenager, that fear faded as City declined. As a 1990s man, I grew to think it would never happen in my lifetime, so comical had MCFC become.
Mon, 02 Apr, 2018
I support United at football, France at rugby and, naturally, adopt a ‘Friend Of Ireland’ default position in all your island’s endeavours. (Yes, even over Brexit). So a day that saw France win Le Crunch, United beat the Scouse, and Ireland lift the Six Nations was always going to challenge my temperance resolution.
Mon, 12 Mar, 2018
Good grief - what’s that awful smell? Did the wife leave the remnants of Friday’s fish out? Is it the smell of Brexit turning rancid? No, don’t panic; it’s just the rotting corpse of Saturday’s snore-draw at Anfield.
Mon, 16 Oct, 2017
Let’s get the formalities out of the way first. Mouthy BBC pundit Ian Wright has sternly told us that anyone not worshipping at the altar of Wayne Rooney this past weekend is “disgraceful”.
Mon, 09 Jan, 2017
Cue TV voiceover. Previously, on Terrace Talk: “One struggles to imagine how we can trouble City. But then one does think of Martial & Rashford’s lingering un-Van Gaal’d ability to do the unexpected. And a flame of hope still burns.”
Mon, 21 Mar, 2016
In my previous column a fortnight ago, on the cusp of transfer deadline day, I held up a stressed Irish Examiner sports editor with a last-minute Sunday evening insertion. “I’ve heard on the grapevine that United might be in Monaco, chasing some French player: Throw in this extra line about it, just in case, would you?”
Mon, 14 Sep, 2015
Many moons ago, The Menu took great pleasure in regularly visiting a wonderful old period home, Lettercollum House, in Timoleague, Co Cork, enjoying splendid meals based around organic produce grown on site afore heading upstairs for blissful repose in the collectively-run guesthouse.
Sat, 29 Nov, 2014