It's all go on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Who Don't Care About Side-Effects As Long as We Can Go Skiing. Lorna_WhiteRangeRover said she used a bit of pull and is getting a jab of the Pfizer vaccine Thursday week, so she and Ken can nail down one of the top-10 villas in St Moritz, for March. Fifi_200GrandExtension gave that three thumbs down and said herself and Brian are top of the queue for the Oxford University vaccine, because we all know she suffers from her notions. I'm after hearing about this revolutionary, new Cork vaccine, called Langball. The good news is it's 98% effective; the bad news is it can cause shocking errors of judgement and two of the test cases actually moved to Carrigaline. Is this true, now?
How're oo' goin' on? Herself is after falling in with a bunch of anti-vaxxers back in Bantry. She hasn't slept for three nights after being told that the drive-through Santa experience in town is actually Bill Gates dressed as the man in red and isn't he after putting vaccines in the lucky bags they hand out to the kids. I said, That's about as dubious as an impromptu party above in RTÉ, and didn't she storm off to go and live with an English anti-vaxxer, called Clive, outside Goleen. He gets regular messages from the universe, no less. I wouldn't mind getting her back for Christmas, because I haven't a clue how to work the oven. Is there anything to be said for writing her a poem, tell me?
Hi, it's Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. I’ve been seeing this guard inside in Bishopstown now for three weeks and the whole thing is thickening up like Bisto. The only problem is, I don't feel like I know him that well, because a lot of our encounters take the form of a role-play, where he interrogates me for cigarette-smuggling offences while I'm dressed in some get-up he bought in Ann Summers. I'm addled with the lust even thinking about it. Anyway, didn't he break off the interview last night and ask me if I'd like to spend Christmas Day with him in his mother's place and her living in Castlemartyr. I was completely taken aback. I said, You never told me you are from East Cork, you snake; sure, that’s just Waterford with a second pair of socks. Is this class of duplicity a red-card offence, tell me?
Hey, dude, I'm from the richest family in Ballintemple, measured by the number of us that bought a coffee truck, so we could meet posh chicks around the Marina at the weekend. The thing is, I'm todally about the communism (#equality, #BlackLivesMatter, #Biden2020) and I think it's ridiculous that all the open-air markets around Cork are aimed at beautifully spoken, urban chic gangsta dudes like myself, ya feelin' me? So myself and my colleagues in the Sound Rich Socialist Collective, Cork branch, are setting up a market for the masses this Christmas. I've been put in charge of food trucks. My motto is, 'No Noodles, No Boar Burgers'. So, like, what kind of food would Norries like from a food truck?
Hey, girl, my bee-atches on the parents' WhatsApp group are organising a girls' night out soon as poss, Level 3 baby, Bishopstown Moms on the Pull, Lock up Your Husbands. Thing is, I don't have a hair appointment until January 12 and the only one who can take me next week is like someone out of a slasher movie. Do you have any dirt on a leading Cork stylist, so I can get her to cut my hair, blackmail Bishopstown style bay- bee ?