Did you know that 69% of couple’s arguments are never resolved?
Well I heard that on the radio about a month ago, so it must be true. Driving along I thought... really?
What about the advice, ‘Don’t let the sun go down on an argument?’ Does that mean we are all going to bed seething?
My mind wandered through the many years of marriage yer man and myself have survived, and the numerous rows we’ve had along the way.
Despite giving it much thought, I couldn’t recall any one particular row which had made me think, ‘I’m out of here.’ But I did remember, clearly, a million minor rows.
You may think I’m exaggerating there with my ‘million’, but I insist I do indeed remember it to be at least one million rows and I’ll amaze you further by saying I remember every one of them.
How is that so, you may wonder? Am I an unforgiving person who carries a grudge forever? No, the truth is I remember them all, because they are the same rows we have each and every day, week, and month.
Take every morning and evening for example. We sit at the table chatting about nothing too memorable, when in the background the sound of a kettle boiling reaches our ears. Both of us interpret that moment differently.
I sit where I am, probably reaching the climax of a wonderful tale I’m telling, when up yer man jumps, almost injuring himself in a hasty dash to turn off the kettle, the kettle that automatically turns itself off when it deems the water to be boiled.
He insists it is faulty and boils for a ridiculously long time. I don’t care.
He wonders why I’ve boiled enough water to provide tea to the whole community? I hadn’t thought about it.
In effect he is energy aware, I’m energy blind and heedless.
Unfortunately, my energy deficiencies seem to be at the heart of many of our rows.
I see no problem leaving the freezer door open while I discuss what I might take out for dinner? Surely that beeping noise is only a reminder it’s been open a while, not a threat to blow the house up?
Lights on in every room in the house do not bother me, although I will admit I sometimes pretend I want all those lights on, when really I just forgot to turn them off.
I really do try to recycle, but those jars with the sauce stuck to them, or shampoo bottles that take forever to clean, seem to magically slip through my fingers.
I’ve also developed an allergy to putting out the recycling, an allergy himself has no sympathy for.
You’ll be pleased to note we are not so boring as to only have energy- related rows.
There is also the dishwasher. Is it really the case that there is just one correct way to fill it and in our house only one person with that knowledge and ability?
Or the row we have several times a day about car keys going missing and why it is they were not hung up where they should be?
Of course that’s just before we go into the car, where we then argue over who is the better driver.
Weighing up the evidence in my marriage I’m beginning to think that ‘69% of rows unresolved’ is perhaps a little conservative.
I wonder if divorce heading our way because we have these rows every day and never resolve them?
Or are we destined to stay together because we can have these rows every day and never resolve them.
Such a pity I turned off the radio.
Perhaps I’ll hold off on his Christmas present just in case.
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