Need a laugh? Here are the best one liners from the Edinburgh Fringe

Masai Graham’s quip about heart donation has been named as the funniest joke of the Fringe at the Edinburgh Festival.

Graham, from West Bromwich, scored the ninth annual award with 27% of the vote

Jokes from sets during the festival were shortlisted by 10 comedy critics before 2,000 voters picked the winner.

Here are the top jokes:

  • “My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.” — Masai Graham
  • “Why is it old people say ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one...” — Stuart Mitchell
  • “I’ve been happily married for four years. Out of a total of 10.” — Mark Watson
  • “Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an Ikea bed, which is mad because those places are really well lit.” — Mark Smith
  • “I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer... came second.” — Will Duggan
  • “Brexit is a terrible name. It sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” — Tiff Stevenson
  • “I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words.” — Gary Delaney
  • “Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor.” — Adele Cliff
  • “Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” — Annie McGrath
  • “Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.” — Jordan Brookes
  • “Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be president, as long as your husband did it first.” — Michelle Wolf
  • “I spotted a marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.” — Roger Swift
  • “Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” — Arthur Smith
  • “I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses.” — Zoe Lyons
  • “Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.” — Phil Nicol


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