TV review: There is nothing in Hostage that will make you put your phone away

Suranne Jones as Abigail Dalton, the British prime minister in Hostage. Photograph: Des Willie/Netflix

Just because it has Suranne Jones doesn’t make it right. The actor who thrilled as Doctor Foster in 2015 is back as prime minister Abigail Dalton in Hostage (Netflix.)

She doesn’t thrill in this by-the-numbers thriller. It’s not her fault. The plot flies off the pages of an airport novel.

Prime minister Dalton is hosting a tense meeting with the president of France, when she learns that her doctor husband has been taken hostage in French Guiana. 

The kidnappers want her to resign her post or they will start executing her husband’s fellow hostages.

The French president, Vivienne Toussaint, offers to send in the French Foreign Legion to sort things out, but then she gets a message from the kidnappers saying they will release a video of her in bed with her stepson if she doesn’t back off, so she backs off. 

Who’d be a head of state?

Hostage was written by a real human being, Matt Charman, which comes as a surprise to me because on first watch it was like something created by AI. 

I’ve seen every plot turn, car chase, press-conference-outside-Downing-Street before.

I’m sure there will be mic-drop twists later on, where the apparent villain turns out to be good, and/or vice versa, but there comes a time when they lose their ability to shock, and that time was a while ago.

It moves along too quickly and too slowly; it’s too fast for character development and too slow to give you the rollercoaster feeling you get watching The Bourne Identity or 24.

The result is clunky dialogue, full of ridiculous exposition. 

Scenes pop up out of nowhere to fill in some background information that is supposed to help us understand, for example, why things are awkward between Dalton and her chief of staff. (She was going to fire him, but decided not to. That was it.)

Hostage is perfect second-screen entertainment. That’s the name given to shows made to be consumed by someone who is scrolling their phone at the same time. 

You’ll have no trouble watching this while getting your daily fix of Wordle. But there is nothing here that will make you put down your phone.

That’s a shame. Suranne Jones is a brilliant actor, charming and scheming in the same shot. Julie Delpy (president Toussaint) is equally subtle, but neither of them get to break an acting sweat here. 

If you’re going to watch Hostage, bring your phone.