‘Bitches’ rule the day as TDs lurch into 12-week holiday

THERE were more references to “bitches” in the Dáil yesterday than you’d find in an old school, hard-core rap record from the 1990s.

The hip hop ghosts of Notorious BIG, Tupac and Biggie Smalls would have felt right at home as the B-word dominated discussions – but, thankfully, gun control was not being debated along with dog breeding otherwise the air would have been overtaken by non-stop talk of “bitches” and “Uzis” and it really would have felt like being trapped in a recording studio in South Central LA.

The Greens and Fianna Fáil insisted bitches were bitches and that was that, but Fine Gael, being a rather more well bred party, said you couldn’t really be a bitch unless you had puppies – and they spent more than half an hour rowing about this.

Still, it’s not as if they had anything else to do, except to plan how to fill up the 12 long empty weeks of summer that lay ahead of them, of course.

Unlike the 452,000 people on the Live Register who have been forced into inactivity by the economic slump and the almost total lack of a Government job stimulus package, TDs chose to dive into three months in mothballs.

Well, the Government side did anyway, knowing they could do as they pleased for 12 weeks without any of the tiresome democratic accountability stuff to slow them down.

James Reilly made his parliamentary debut as the new Fine Gael deputy leader during the melee that ensued after it was announced the Dáil would shut up shop until September 29, and he got off to a decidedly shaky start.

While confusing the word recession with recess could easily be overlooked, confusing Fianna Fáil with Fine Gael was a bit trickier for a bombastic Blueshirt to explain away. Especially as the mistake begged the age old question: What exactly is the difference between Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael – except, of course, that one party actually wins elections and one party doesn’t?

However, fallen Ceann Comhairle John O’Donoghue had more esoteric questions on his mind – not to mention a lust for revenge.

A full 10 months after Labour’s Eamon Gilmore had politically assassinated him on the Dáil floor over his extraordinary taxpayer-funded travel while minister for fun, Johnny Junket finally shot back.

“Deputy Gilmore reminds me of a gadfly around the tail of an old cow,” he mused.

Which begs the question: If Gilmore is the gadfly, does it make O’Donoghue a self-confessed political equivalent of the back end of an old cow?

The animal analogies were now coming thick and fast and, after all the threats of rebellions and coalition crisis, a rather tired looking Green leader John Gormley promised his party would be leaving bitches well alone from now on.

Which is probably just as well, especially as hip hop superstar 50 Cent once so eloquently observed: Mo’ Bitches, Mo’ Problems.


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