‘Being raped has affected every piece of me, it went to the core of myself’

A Dublin woman who was raped and later beaten by her husband with a hammer, said he instilled in her a “level of fear” she did not think was possible to feel.

The 46-year-old made the remarks in a victim impact statement at the Central Criminal Court ahead of the man’s sentencing next week.

Last month, he was found guilty of raping, threatening to kill, and threatening to cause serious harm to his wife in May and June of 2014.

In her statement to the court yesterday, the woman described the ordeal she endured on the night she was raped and how she felt a “complete sense of powerlessness” to stop her husband raping her.

“From the moment I walked in the hall door and saw [her husband], I knew I had got things terribly wrong, his complete insistence and entitlement to me and [my son] no matter what.

“The complete terror I felt when he took out the knife. I knew there was nothing I could do to stop him. That is one of the hardest things to live with.

“The rape left me with a complete sense of powerlessness, like everything of me had been taken away from me. Being raped has affected every piece of me, it went to the core of myself, I felt so broken and for a long time angry with myself for what I saw as ‘letting it happen’.

“The terror [her husband] continued to put me through during that never ending night, the constant threats, instilled a level of fear that I never knew I could feel.”

The woman told the court that she has never been able to sleep properly since the attack.

“It is always that night with [her husband] standing over me saying ‘you better be telling me the truth’ that comes back to me in my nightmares, there have been many nights over the past two years that I purposefully tried not to sleep as it was far better than waking up drenched in sweat and terrified,” she said.

“My sleep pattern has never recovered since that night.”

The woman also outlined the impact on her son who suffered from nightmares since the attack.

“How does a child grow up and cope with knowing his father harmed his mother so badly, to use a knife and hammer, to rape her.

“[My son] finds it very hard now to understand how his dad could hurt his mum and his granny.”

“He is conflicted by his own feelings towards [her husband]. [Her son] also has an acute awareness of when I am anxious and worried.

“I don’t know what the long-term impact on [her son] will be, but I worry so much about it and trying to adapt to and negate it as much as possible will always be a constant feature of our lives.”

The woman said it took her five months to report the attack because “it meant admitting to myself what had happened”.

The 42-year-old man, who denied the allegation of rape but pleaded guilty to the hammer attack, will be sentenced next week.

News: 6


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