Just think of sheds I’d build for €47m

Gigi Chao, with Cecil Chao Sze-tsung, whose dowry offer has brought a melee of suitors to his daughter's door.

Gigi Chao, €47m dowry, the cute dogs come free.

If there is one thing that rural Ireland greatly lacks at this present moment in time, it’s women.

Sure, I’m blue in the face from pointing out the fact here on this page.

If I had a pound for every time I mentioned the crisis, I’d be the wealthy man. I’m worn out from highlighting the issue.

And on the eve of Valentine’s Day, here I am again, calling for more women.

Personally speaking, I of course am one of the lucky ones having managed to sway a woman in my direction years ago. And to tell you the truth, I’d be lost without my missus.

’Tis well I know how fortunate I am. Sure it’s on my knees I am most days and nights, giving thanks to the almighty up above for blessing me in the marriage department.

Sadly, however, not every farmer is as lucky as me. Many other fellows who eke out a living from the land do so in isolation.

Lonely fellows, who would offer up their hind teeth, or various other parts of their anatomy for the opportunity of meeting a charming young woman.

Well today, on Valentine’s eve, I have a bit of promising news on the romance front. An opportunity for a game single man to at last succeed in the matrimonial stakes.

Her name is Gigi Chao; she’s 34, and, my friend, a more beautiful, vivacious creature it would be hard to come across.

She hails from Hong Kong, which might sound a little far away as the crow flies, but with modern transportation ’tis no distance at all.

And besides, I ask you how far would an eager man be willing to travel for a good woman? To the ends of the earth, I imagine. And beyond too, I dare say.

Gigi’s father, Cecil, is an extremely wealthy man, a billionaire as a matter of fact and Cecil is most anxious, that his socialite daughter finds a good man.

Indeed, he would be delirious with joy if Gigi’s head was turned by a man and would, according to reports, lavish such a lucky fellow with wealth beyond imagining. I think you get the picture here — that Cecil is most anxious for Gigi to find a fellow.

So where’s the catch, you might ask, as you busily pack your bags for Hong Kong and arrange for a relief milker to take over the cow duties for the week? It all sounds a little too easy.

Well of course there is a catch. Nothing in this world is straightforward. Everything involves some degree of effort. Even writing involves effort. Words don’t write themselves.

The snag here is that young Gigi — God bless her — is rather more inclined towards women than men. And for heaven’s sake, sure there is nothing at all wrong with that. I myself, prefer women too. It’s not unusual, in fact it’s very normal.

Now her father Cecil would rather if Gigi looked in the direction of a man, and that is why he is offering a large amount of money. The sum of €47m to be exact, for the man who can woo his daughter.

And, for heaven’s sake, if I wasn’t so blissfully content myself, I’d be winging my way to Hong Kong as we speak. Imagine what farm improvements could be done with €47m in your back pocket?

So go on, my lucky boy, Gigi awaits you. I have a feeling in my gut that it could well be the likes of you who will win the heart of the beautiful Gigi Chao.


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