Flick or a click for facebook friends

Fellows from urban parts often say to me, “It must be terrible lonely for you, out there in rural Ireland with only the bullock with one testicle to keep you company.”

And indeed, it can be lonely at times, when the nearest pub is well out of firing range, and the postman is sometimes the only soul I see on the farm for days at a time.

Sure ’tis amazing really, that I’m half as sane as I am, considering the height of isolation that I have to endure.

However, in the last few weeks, something dramatic has happened in my life, a certain event has taken place that has helped in easing my terrible burden of loneliness.

And if you too are feeling about as popular as a water meter, read on, my friend, I might well have the answer to banish your lonesome blues.

A few weeks back, a neighbour of mine visited and realised that I was in a bad way, for the want of company. And so she suggested that I go on facebook.

Says she, “You’ll go daft entirely, sitting there in your underpants staring at the wall. Join facebook, you devil, and you will have more friends than you can shake a stick at.”

So she whipped out the computer, and before she had left the kitchen, I had more facebook friends than Enda Kenny himself.

I have friends now from all parts of the world and beyond. Friends who are only mad for scandal and news.

And in some ways, facebook friends are mighty friends. Because with the flick of a button, they magically appear, and more importantly still, with the flick of a button, you have the power to make them disappear again.

There is no long goodbye at two in the morning, and you standing in the porch freezing, while your friend outside is yapping away, as he struggles to root out the keys of his jeep.

“Begone, you hoor,” I’ve often been very tempted to roar at certain longwinded callers we get here.

And don’t worry if you think you might be too odd to join facebook. The way I see it, if the likes of me can join facebook, anyone can.

There are all types of odd balls signed up already.

For instance, the Bull McCabe is on facebook, and he a certified maniac, as you well know, he’s there as bold as brass still raving about the field. The Bull has hundreds of followers, including the Bird, I presume, all awaiting his next pronouncement on matters pertaining to the land.

Of course, facebook is not all plain sailing, like everything in life, there are problems associated with it.

One big disadvantage to facebook is that you must have a computer to join.

Without a computer, your chances of getting on facebook are very slim indeed, no matter how enthusiastic you might be to become a member.

And knowing that I would be writing this thoughtful column today, I made enquiries over the last week to see if it would be possible to get on facebook using the telephone. But alas, as of yet, I’m still awaiting a reply.

But don’t give up hope. Stranger things have happened. Don’t go rushing out to buy a computer today, when the telephone in the hall may yet do the trick.

Anyway, there you have it. No longer am I the lonely man with only a one-balled bullock for company. My life now has been utterly illuminated by the wonders of the mighty facebook.


A scientific study has found that the teatime treat is just as effective as shop-bought energy gels.You might want to swap your energy gels for mashed potato on your next run

We catch up with Bushmills’ master distiller, who tells Sam Wylie-Harris more about this liquid gold.Irish whiskey masterclass: 11 things you need to know

Temples, beaches, and several nations with new names.From Bhutan to Costa Rica, Lonely Planet reveals its top countries to visit in 2020

Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine offers guidance to a woman who’s unsure how to manage her mother’s dying wishes.Ask a counsellor: ‘Is it appropriate to notify my mother’s friends of her death by email?’

More From The Irish Examiner