You may have already seen it by now, but just in case you missed it, a Facebook post featuring an epic rant about the ocean sunfish recently went viral.
In an epic take-down of the animal, also known as mola mola, Scout Burns poured scorn on the sunfish which she described as “the biggest joke played on earth”.
Burns continued to reinforce her apparent hatred, while describing the sunfish as “so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move”, and “they mostly only eat jellyfish… something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths”.
She took issue with the mammal’s heavy body (sunfish can weigh up to 2,250kg), the fact that they’re not even considered food by predators, their lack of swim bladders and the way they lay eggs.
Burns said: “BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALISE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALISE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING.
“IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY.”
Soon, the internet was marvelling at the “uselessness” of the sunfish – “a complete failure of evolution”:
The highlight of my morning was reading an article where someone was ranting on about how utterly useless an Ocean Sunfish is. 🤷— Hansel (@Superfuzzay) February 13, 2017
I just learned that Ocean Sunfish is freaking huge but useless.— 🅿️ roofreader Malaysia (@arcx13) February 5, 2017
I just read a Tumblr post about how ridiculously useless the ocean sunfish is and I wanted share a picture of said fish with you pic.twitter.com/Eorwjf43F4— Rani (@AnsuzSowilo) February 8, 2017
In other news, the highlight of my morning was a rant about how fundamentally usless sunfish are.— Buttermat (@LucaNoulcano) February 6, 2017
i luv that post thats jus t. a longass rant abt all the reasons ocean sunfish are terrible. bc i agree. also they creep me out— bryn✨ (@pointytooth) February 5, 2017
The sunfish folk couldn’t (obviously) respond to the character assassination, but then a “marine biologist” rose to defend the mammal, saying: “Ocean sunfish are awesome and I will fight anyone who says otherwise!
“That dude has no idea what he’s talking about! I am pro sunfish because they are unlike anything else and look absolutely alien. They are so cool!”
I asked a marine biologist friend about that ocean sunfish rant that's gone viral, and was not disappointed by the reply. pic.twitter.com/gPPAtYLqua— David Masad (@badnetworker) February 8, 2017
Then, when her response went viral, Zenia Sherman wrote another (now-deleted) Facebook post to clarify her response was meant as a joke and that she is isn’t really a marine biologist – but has a biology degree and took various marine science courses.
In a second Facebook post, Sherman added that she and Burns were in contact after Burns’s rant, saying: “Scout and I actually did message each other a bit, and she is lovely.
“Very pro-conservation, saving the planet, etc. Can confirm rage was for comedic effect, as she is all about protecting our fishy friends.”
Well now that’s all cleared up, we can go back to our daily lives.