There are few occasions when an accused person expresses faux innocence as readily, as sunnily as when they are charged with that heinous offence: snoring.
“Did I snore? Sorry, I didn’t realise I did,” is one of those ambiguous fictions we tolerate to get through the day if not the night.
A survey has reached obvious conclusions — snoring is the most annoying bedtime habit. Pretending not to hear waking, disturbed children, and playing videos in bed were numbered among the most disturbing night-time irritations.
Anyone who has shared a bed, or a bedroom, with a person who sounds more like a jet engine at takeoff than a person at ease after a day’s work will concur.
An energetic, loud snorer can ruin a night’s sleep more dramatically than even a guilty conscience.
The victim, for that is what they are, faces the dawn exhausted rather than rejuvenated.
It is easy to be flippant about this common torture but a person whose sleep is broken night after night by persistent snoring can feel a particular kind of despair and a deepening sense of exhaustion.
If you snore — yes, you do — try to learn not to.