In a million years, futuristic civilisations surviving on perfectly renewable fuel sources will look back over the artefacts of their ancestors. They will come across this video and remark: “Look how far we’ve come since the early 2000s.”
That’s because this video of Arsenal players Per Mertesacker, Santi Cazorla and Carl Jenkinson attempting (we think) to impersonate the Australian lifestyle is as baffling a record of our existence as any.
Here it is.
The video is in anticipation of Arsenal’s trip to Australia next year, but it leaves us with more questions than answers to be honest.
OK, where to begin? Santi’s sausage cooking method immediately catches the eye: he looks like he’s DJ-ing on the world’s smallest set of decks.
Next up, Mertesacker, who, let’s give him his due, is attempting a different accent in what we presume is his second language. Regardless, hearing him say “Chuck us a sanger” is disconcerting.
And last but certainly not least, Jenkinson, who enters the scene with a baffling “How youse goin?” like a second-rate Joey Tribbiani.
Also: someone get Mertesacker a coat for goodness sake.