With the 2016/17 Premier League season a speck in the distance, the famous Random Fixture Generator has bestowed upon us the all-important games for the next season of domestic football.
But who is this omniscient figure that decides our footballing fate? Here are a number of bots that the RFG’s Premier League actions remind us of.
The Random Fixture Generator can be a cruel master/mistress.
Newly promoted Brighton & Hove Albion have been given the tough assignment of hosting Manchester City for their first game of the season – that’s menacing work from the RFG, and seems like something Bender from Futurama might do.
The RFG really seems to have it in for some teams. Everton for example face Stoke City, Manchester City, Chelsea, Tottenham and Manchester United in their first five games.
“I’m sorry Ronald, I’m afraid I can’t give you an easy August/September,” says the RFG.
But while some clubs might be unhappy with the RFG’s actions, the all-powerful bot has given the fans something to celebrate.
December 9 and April 7 are currently set to host both the Manchester and Merseyside derbies, giving us a couple of exciting weekends to look forward to – a selfless act the like of which Pixar’s trash-collecting robot Wall-E would be proud of.
More cruelty from the RFG here. With the 2018 World Cup taking place almost immediately after the season finishes, there’s every chance our players will be exhausted thanks to a hectic Christmas period.
The Christmas fixture list sees teams play eight games from December 2 to January 1 in a gruelling festive schedule. Even the Cybermen of Doctor Who probably think that’s a bit much. Curse you, Random Fixture Generator.
That said, the Premier League is due to finish a week earlier than last season due to the 2018 World Cup in Russia. The generator has thus made a generous effort to keep our players safe just like Baymax, a healthcare robot from the film Big Hero 6.
And last but not least, perhaps the RFG is an Arsenal fan?
With March, April and May containing just one fixture against last season’s top six for the Gunners – Manchester City away – the Random Fixture Generator has shown compassion to the north London side should they find themselves in a title run-in.
It’s a big if, but that’s the sort of helpful gesture we imagine BB8 would make.