Top parenting tips to help Pep Guardiola retake control at Manchester City

We’ve noticed Pep Guardiola is having some discipline problems just weeks into his Manchester City career, with Sergio Aguero and Nolito receiving bans, and Yaya Toure banished until he issues an apology to the club.

So we’ve taken the time to research some parenting techniques to help the Spanish boss’s time in England run a little smoother.

1. Get serious about sleep

Some say sleep is for the weak, but we believe it’s for the strong parents out there. Pep needs to get players like Yaya down for an hour’s kip at around mid-afternoon, with training and lunch all taken care of. Afterwards, pass some water around between the players and watch them train unbowed by crankiness and lethargy. You’re welcome, Pep.

2. Make use of the naughty step

A modern classic, this. If Pep receives a bit of lip from the players, or even a ball to the groin once in a while, he could do a lot worse than the naughty step. The player in question sits on the step for as many minutes as their age, (more than half an hour in Yaya’s case) and is then invited to return to the group. You can’t send them all to Torino.

3. Say yes from time to time

Pep’s a positive guy; his football certainly suggests as much. So say yes to your players now and then, Mr Guardiola. Whether it’s a request for some time off, or a transfer request (OK maybe not a transfer request) give in to your players now and then on the trivial stuff. Maybe tell Sergio to stop flailing his arms around like a windmill, though.

4. Be a good role model

We’re not saying blast 30-yard wonder volleys into the goal in training every day, but demonstrate to your players how to be a nice person. Say your Ps and Qs in front of Nolito; exhibit an act of kindness like allowing the opposition team to score once in a while; shake Jose Mourinho’s hand and demonstrate to your players how you’d like them to act.

5. Reward good behaviour

Well it looks as though Pep is trying this approach with Yaya currently, offering the chance to be a part of the team for an apology. Hold your ground, Pep. Get some treats in for Kevin De Bruyne, David Silva and Raheem Sterling, and show Yaya that with good behaviour he could earn himself a starting position, or at the very least, a Curly Wurly.

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