The Premier League fixtures are dull, so we thought we'd see who comes out on top in a battle of the badges

The Premier League fixtures are dull, so we thought we'd see who comes out on top in a battle of the badges

With the Premier League title Chelsea’s and all three relegation spots taken, there aren’t really even any intriguing fixtures on the final day of the Premier League season.

So with that in mind, we thought we’d see whether a battle of the badges came good. It did.

Arsenal v Everton

Arsenal v Everton
(Simon Cooper/EMPICS Sport, Dave Howarth/EMPICS Sport)

A cannon up against a tower? Pretty straightforward stuff – this one goes to the Arsenal, no question.

Burnley v West Ham

Burnley v West Ham United
(Ryan Browne/PA, Adam Davy/PA)

West Ham’s fortress looks strong and well protected, but WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON WITH BURNLEY?

There’s a goose holding an egg, a lion below, two bees the size of a hand (handily provided for scale we presume) and a couple of diamonds. It’s like something out of a 1980s video game, and it’s the winner.

Chelsea v Sunderland

Chelsea v Sunderland
(Steven Paston/EMPICS Sport, Richard Sellers/EMPICS Sport)

Chelsea have one lion, Sunderland have two – a Black Cats victory all day long.

Hull City v Tottenham

Hull City v Tottenham Hotspur
(Richard Sellers/PA, Nick Potts/PA)

Hull’s tiger is apparently 113 years old according to his date of birth on the crest, and we reckon that experience will come in handy when up against a cockerel balancing precariously on a ball.

Leicester City v Bournemouth

Leicester City v Bournemouth
(Nick Potts/PA, Adam Davy/PA)

A really close contest, this one. Leicester’s fox appears to be in bloom, while Bournemouth’s human heading a football looks like something off a particularly edgy album cover. It’s a stalemate.

Liverpool v Middlesbrough

Liverpool v Middlesbrough
(Dave Howarth/PA, Richard Sellers/EMPICS Sport)

Usually we’d fancy the lion over the liver bird, but the bird has fire defences, and we’ve heard Middlesbrough are a bit toothless, so we imagine the lion would be as well. It’s a Liverpool win!

Manchester United v Crystal Palace

Manchester United v Crystal Palace
(John Walton/EMPICS Sport, Tim Ireland/EMPICS Sport)

A giant devil stood under a ship, or a giant eagle perched atop a vast building? This has tie written all over it.

Southampton v Stoke City

Southampton v Stoke City
(John Walton/EMPICS Sport, Tony Marshall/EMPICS Sport)

Southampton’s crest is a thing of beauty is it not? We’ve got a flower, a tree in some water, a football up top, and a wonderful ribbon/scarf.

Stoke have got some stripes. It’s a Saints win.

Swansea City v West Brom

Swansea City v West Brom
(Nigel French/PA, Clint Hughes/PA)

Swan v throstle? That’s a six-pointer if ever we saw one.

Well, a swan can break your arm so we hear – it’s a big win for the swan!

Watford v Manchester City

Watford v Manchester City
(John Walton/PA, Anthony Devlin/PA)

And last but certainly not least, it’s the battle you’ve all been waiting for: stag v boat.

Well in comparison, the stag is huge when put next to the boat, which appears nothing more than a model in a bottle perhaps – three points for the stag we say!


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