1. Chris Robshaw has dropped his wallet, and just wants to know if any of the Wales boys have seen it anywhere, but he can’t get an answer from anyone.
2. It looks as though someone’s dropped the One Ring in this England-Ireland scrum. Chris Robshaw attempts valiantly to spurn its attempts to corrupt him – Paul O’Connell is faring less well.
3. Meanwhile England’s Emma Croker has lost a contact lens. Nobody move.
4. These men appear to have lost the ball. Keep looking fellas, it’s definitely in there.
5. Here, the same problem. Ben Youngs tries in vain to end the search. They’re not listening Ben.
6. This French player has misplaced his bottle of Lucozade, and wants to know if this Scotland player knows anything about it. We reckon he knows exactly where it is.
7. Meanwhile it’s all hands to the pump in an effort to find Owen Farrell’s pocket watch.
8. This referee is enlisting help for Farrell’s search. “OK chaps, it’s silver plated, initials OF, not worth much money but the sentimental value is through the roof…”
We’re sure it’ll turn up somewhere, Owen.