Tric Kearney: I closed my eyes and imagined what it would be like to climb into bed at night and sleep in such luxury

YOU know that old saying, ‘Out with the old and in with the new,’ well we truly embraced it in the run up to Christmas, ridding ourselves of useless tat lying around, such as newspapers, screwdrivers and even a bicycle pump sitting on windowsills so long we no longer even noticed them.

And while we were at it, we rid ourselves of the mattress on our bed.

The seed of mattress dissatisfaction had sprung (forgive the pun) when searching for a new bed and mattress for my eldest as she moved out of home. There is nothing more inclined to make you seriously dislike your old mattress and notice all that it is not than sitting and lying on the many mattresses in a bed department of a furniture store.

Initially, we stuck to only those we could afford and were not overly enamoured by any. After sampling a rather large selection we were beginning to get a feel for what my daughter liked until we made a fatal error. We strayed into the ‘Winners of the Lotto’ mattresses department. To the untrained eye, such as ours, they didn’t appear to be anything special, but one look at the price tag told us these were in a different league.

“Wow, what sort of mattress costs €2,000,” I asked aloud as the two of us threw ourselves upon it. And there it was, the very moment my 16-year-old mattress was doomed.

As we lay there I lost all reason and began to wonder if there was any chance we could afford a mattress such as this? Wouldn’t it be an investment in our health? I closed my eyes and imagined what it would be like to climb into bed at night and sleep in such luxury.

“We’d better get up,” said my daughter, slowly moving off the bed. Reluctantly I joined her, gently patting it goodbye as I walked away. However, neither of us were quite ready to move on, so we spent some time playing games such as, ‘find the most expensive mattress’ and ‘judge the most comfortable’ which was a matter of heated debate.

Unfortunately, we may have triggered some sort of security camera as a lady appeared to ask us if we required assistance. I suspect she was on commission as she did a poor job hiding her disappointment as we directed her towards the budget bed and mattress department.

“This mattress is ancient,” I mumbled to yer man later that night.

“Really? I like it.”

“I think we need a new one,” I said.

Unfortunately, I could hear his ears closing within seconds of hearing, “€2,000”.

Not to be put off, I continued to mention my desire for a new mattress on an almost daily basis but yer man was not taking the bait.

However, weeks later and after much nagging, he finally began to show signs of defeat.

“Do you really think we need a new mattress,” he asked.

“Most definitely,” I said, “This mattress is too soft and there’s a dip in the middle.”

And so, I tasted the sweet taste of victory as yer man mournfully said goodbye to our old mattress, muttering about it being just fine as I insisted he’d love our new one.

Unfortunately, that first night as we bounced into bed we nearly did ourselves an injury. This was not the soft, springy, bad-for-your back mattress we were used to. It was instead a solid, never have pain again, memory foam mattress.

“It’s a bit hard,” said yer man, as his face screamed I miss my old bed.

“Really?” I love it,” I said, lying through my teeth. As I lay there wide awake I gained a fresh understanding of the saying, ‘you’ve made your bed, now lie in it.’

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