What makes a pizza, a pizza?

Few things are as divisive as pizza. Many an argument has raged over the benefits of thin crust vs deep dish, or whether it’s morally acceptable to use pineapple as a topping.

However, there are some people out there who don’t hold the Italian tradition quite as tightly as the rest of us. There seems to be a growing trend of things being called “pizza” willy nilly.

This crisis is something New York Times columnist David Brooks has been grappling with, asking the question for our age: At what point does something stop being a pizza?

To clear the situation up, we went to the experts. And by experts, we mean the Oxford English Dictionary, which describes pizza as: “A dish of Italian origin, consisting of a flat round base of dough baked with a topping of tomatoes and cheese, typically with added meat, fish, or vegetables.”

Okay, so we’re working broadly on the basis that pizzas need to have three things: Dough, tomato sauce and cheese. Before you come at us – yes, we know you can get white versions sans tomato, but that’s an exception to the rule.

With this in mind, we’ve collected just a few round edibles that definitely aren’t pizza – as hard as people might be trying to slap on the label.

Rice pizza

There appears to be a school of thought that deems anything with a carb base and ingredients on top, a pizza, which truly is a slap in the face to the sacred Italian cooking tradition.

Take the trend for rice ‘pizzas’ – literally a bed of rice with meat or veg on top. Sorry guys, we hate to break it to you – cutting something into the iconic triangle shape doesn’t make it a slice of pizza. It’s more sushi.

Chicken crust pizza

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MAMA MIA!🍕 @fitmencook has brought his very best with his new Fuel-n-Gainz take on pizza! - Low carb, high protein, and a unique twist on boring chicken you will always want in your meal rotation! Tag your crew you would share a slice with! - Low Carb Chicken Crust Pizza Ingredients: Crust -1 1/4lb raw chicken breast -1/2 cup grated parmesan -1 tablespoon Italian seasoning -pinch of pepper Topping -3 tablespoons reduced calorie pizza sauce -1/2 cup reduced fat shredded mozzarella -Veggie Toppings such as 1/2 cup chopped (thick) asparagus spears, 1/2 red (or orange) bell pepper, chopped and 1 jalapeno, chopped Instructions: *Set oven to 450 degrees F. *Add the ingredients for the crust to a food processor or high-powered blender. Pulse blend until mixed and minced. *Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and add the chicken crust. Mash it down to form a thin circle or a large rectangle, less than 1/4-inch thick. *Bake chicken crust in the oven for 13 to 15 minutes, or until the edges have browned and the chicken has cooked through. *Remove crust and add the toppings ingredients in the order listed. *Bake in the oven until the cheese has melted, browned and bubbled, about 6 minutes. *Remove from the oven, garnish, slice and enjoy! Allowing the pizza to cool slightly will make it much easier to handle and hold like traditional pizza. Serving size: 1/4 of pizza (6F/4C/46P) #fitmencook #fuelngainz #lowcarbrecipes #ketopizza #chickencrustpizza #bodybuildingcom #buildyourbody

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Let’s not even start on the monstrosities that have done away with carbs altogether. There’s a growing trend in the world of Instagram fitness for chicken crust pizza – that’s chicken breast cheese blitzed up to replace dough – it might be all about the #gainz but we’re not sure it’s at all about the pizza.

If you decide to go low-carb for health reasons, we’re all for it, but please don’t sully the good name of pizza in the process.

Flatbread pizzas

Once again people, we hate to break it to you but putting a flatbread/wrap/naan underneath some tomato sauce and cheese does not a pizza make. It might look cute on Instagram, but the hashtag #flatbreadpizza is just plain wrong.

No shade on anyone trying to do a healthier version of the beloved Italian dish. But sorry, we’re going to have to be pernickety and inform you that it’s not, in fact, pizza.

Dessert pizza

And finally, perhaps the worst offender on the list: Dessert pizza. When you think of a classic dish, you think of all things cheesy, doughy and delicious – chocolate isn’t even in the ballpark.

And yet, they’re the darlings of the Instagram dessert world, although we’d argue they’re more like giant cookies, or slices of pie.

We’d like to invent a golden rule here: If you’re eating ice cream with it, it’s probably not a pizza.

And if we’re going to be brutal, the same goes for anything with marshmallows on top. Sorry folks, the world of pizza definition is a harsh one.

- Press Association


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