It’s getting urgent on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Babes Who Know How Much Weight You Put on Since March the 12th. Cliona_BMW720 said she’s half-woman, half Pringles because she thought there was no way we were going to the sun this summer. FiFi_ScoilMhuire said she’s let herself go because they booked a staycation to Kerry, and the men down there would give you the eye even if you had a moustache. But a couple of us would have connections into Simon Coveney and apparently Marbella is in play from mid July. The last thing we want to do is walk off the plane down there like a couple of wans from Killarney. So, what’s the best three week crash diet online, the more expensive the better? Jenni, Douglas Road
My friend just launched a new weight-loss programme for Posh Cork on YouTube, it’s called Most People Can’t Afford This. I said, what’s extra exclusive about your exercise programme. She said, I teach women how to moan and groan in Blackrock Road accent, your husband might like it. I said, he can’t get me to moan and groan in a Ballinlough accent, let’s work on that first. #ZeroTechnique
I rang my Posh Cousin there to discuss. She said, I don’t like the sound of Dowcha Donie. I said, I can actually see where’s he’s coming from. She said, so can I, Blackpool, I wouldn’t touch him with yours.
I rang my niece in Charleville and said, is there a particular odour off people who die in north Cork. She said, there is actually. I said, what does it smell like? She said, relief.
Tommy is persona non grata there since he described the Model Farm Road as Ballincollig Avenue. My friend (doctor) lives out there, I said I have a client who wants a hush hush move, are people in the Model Farm Road good at hiding their wealth? She said, that’s like asking if Kerry people are any good at hurling.
You probably WILL die when you see what they charge for fish and chips. My uncle is a car dealer, I said what’s the best way to get a free Merc. He said, persuade Micheál Martin to appoint you as a minister. #Topical.