Ask a counsellor: Am I too old to make a new life for myself?

The problem…

“My husband and I were together for 28 years and I thought we were lifelong soulmates, so was devastated to find he’d been having an affair with a mutual friend for four years.

It’s taken me a long time to move on and my family has been wonderful – especially my daughter. She’s supported me all the way and is now trying to encourage me to get out more and make a new circle of friends.

I think I’m too old at 53 and that no one will want me – but my daughter’s really pushing me. Is she right?”

Fiona says…

“I’d say you’re not too old to find a job and certainly not too old to make new friends and have new experiences. You’ve been brave in coming to terms with the blow your husband dealt you, but now you need to grasp life and all of its opportunities.

Remember: People you don’t know are only old friends you’ve not met yet!

Divorce can be overwhelming but it’s also the chance for a new start (Thinkstock/PA)

Getting a job would help to restore your self-confidence. If you feel you need training of some kind, look for ‘Career Skills and Training’, where you’ll find lots of options to help you move forward.

Often women don’t retire at 60 and getting your state pension is still years away, so there’s plenty of time to start anew.

I’d also suggest you consider joining a club of some kind, possibly one for the divorced and separated, where everyone will understand what you are going through.

It may take time to get over your loss, so don’t expect to want to join everything, but you’re still young and have lots of life left, so make the best of it.”

If you have a problem and you’d like Fiona’s advice, email help@askfiona.net.

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