Losing baby was worst time of my life: Allen

Losing baby was worst time of my life: Allen

Lily Allen has described her miscarriage as “the worst time of my life” and revealed that she still has therapy to cope with her loss.

The singer said that she has started to “move on” but that she remains sad about losing her baby.

Allen, 24, who is dating builder Sam Cooper, became pregnant with her Chemical Brothers boyfriend Ed Simons two years ago.

She told Grazia magazine: “I couldn’t even compute the emotions going through my head, but I was having to put out a press release about my miscarriage.

“I had this public sympathy for about five days and then everyone was on my case again and I didn’t know what was happening to me.

“I just didn’t deal with it at all. I didn’t even start beginning to deal with it until the baby’s due date. Then it just hit me like a house collapsing.

“The week before the due date, all I wanted to do was talk about my baby but I also felt I shouldn’t. I was working non-stop and I had all this inside my head.

“I have therapy on and off...at that time it really helped me. Then I started to deal with it and move on. I still get sad. I still think. I don’t mark (what would have been) my baby’s birth but it’s always there. It changed a lot.”

She said: “For me, the last 10 years have been unbelievable. I started off really excited, then it all went horribly, horribly wrong.

“I’ve had really bad, unbelievably awful times, but if I hadn’t had them I wouldn’t get the happiness I’ve got now. I’m very grateful because I could have turned down a very different path. It could have been awful. It really could.”

The 'Smile' singer said she had reassessed her priorities.

She said: “It’s not about being famous, it’s not about all the parties, it’s not about wanting to be the biggest pop star on the planet. It’s about being happy. For me, that is Sam, spending time at home, sorting out bed linen...being normal.

“When I started out, I’d drink four cans of cider on stage because I needed the confidence not to be judged. But getting off my head got me into trouble – I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be like Liam Gallagher just because I was a girl.

“Now I’m happy being more of a lady. I get it. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em - and make the most of it.”

She said of her new boyfriend: “We’ve never had one argument and there’s absolutely nothing about him that annoys me. He’s not impressed by what I do.

“I’ve been with guys and seen them looking in the mirror before they walk out of the door with me. That makes me feel sick because I know it’s not just me they’re interested in.

“Sam treats me differently. He’s told me he’ll look after me forever. That’s what I’ve always wanted, someone to look after me.”

Allen also said she had stopped blogging and emailing because it became “an addiction”.

“I’d be with my boyfriend or my mum and they’d have just got half of me. So I put my BlackBerry, my laptop, my iPod in a box and that’s the end.

“I won’t use email, I play records on vinyl, I don’t blog. I’ve got more time, more privacy. We’ve ended up in this world of unreal communication and I don’t want that. I want real life back.”

She said of her body image: “I’ll never be teeny tiny like Cheryl Cole or Dannii Minogue, but I’ve stopped comparing myself. Put me next to the average British woman and I’m fine. I’m normal. I’m over beating myself up about it.”

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