James Bond might be a notorious ladies man, but despite countless steamy screen romances he clearly doesn’t know how to hold down a relationship.
Thankfully dating website eHarmony has stepped in to help 007 find love. It’s taken 15 of the most memorable women from his past and run them through its Compatibility Matching System to find Bond’s best match.
“But these are works of fiction!” we hear you cry. Well, eHarmony has hooked up with Bond expert Brian Pendrigh, who has built complete psychological profiles for each Bond girl plus the secret agent himself.
Here’s how the profiles matched up.
1. Natalya Simonova (Izabella Scorupco) – GoldenEye
Apparently Natalya topped the compatibility charts for her “calmness in dealing with tricky situations and her willingness to let Bond take the lead”. These were seen as essential for dealing with his hectic lifestyle.
On top of this, her “capacity to care” nicely complements Bond’s “more stoic” personality.
2. Plenty O’Toole (Lana Wood) – Diamonds Are Forever
Despite spending very little screen time with Bond, Plenty is seen as the second best match for the super-spy.
Their compatibility lies in their “well-matched libidos and sense of extraversion” (something we recommend you never write on a dating site). It should have all led to a “highly charged romance” – if Plenty hadn’t been thrown out of a window.
3. Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach) – The Spy Who Loved Me
Anya’s independent nature would mean both she and Bond got enough space in their relationship.
They also both react quickly to situations rather than planning ahead – equally ideal for investigating submarine thefts or booking a weekend break.
4. Kara Milovy (Maryam d’Abo) – The Living Daylights
There’s a chance of it working out with lovely Kara. Then again, she was used to Timothy Dalton’s Bond, possibly the closest the espionage love-rat ever got to boyfriend material.
5. Solitaire (Jane Seymour) – Live And Let Die
If Bond could get past her weird staring then a romance with Solitaire might have worked. Although 007 is a notoriously practical man, and probably would have tired of her obsession with tarot cards.
6. Eve Moneypenny (multiple actresses)
There you go, it’s definitive. Bond and Moneypenny should never settle down because they’re simply not well-matched enough.
7. Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) – From Russia With Love
Or “From Russia With Lust”, apparently. Because a coupling of James and Tatiana was never meant to go the whole way.
8. Dr Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles) – Moonraker
Yeah, we really can’t see an astronaut ever putting up with Bond’s nonsense for any length of time. She’s always got a good excuse to get far, far away from him though…
9. Vesper Lynd (Eva Green) – Casino Royale
Bond’s true love? We all thought so, but apparently not. Maybe this news will help Bond get over her tragic drowning under a collapsing building in Venice.
10. Jinx Johnson (Halle Berry) – Die Another Day
Just like Die Another Day itself, any lasting relationship between Bond and Jinx would be utterly forgettable.
11. Octopussy (Maud Adams) – Octopussy
Don’t trust a woman who keeps a poisonous octopus as a pet. That’s rule number one on any dating site.
12. Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress) – Dr No
According to eHarmony, Bond’s first memorable on-screen love would have made a terrible long-term partner due to their “conflicting character traits”.
13. Wai Lin (Michelle Yeoh) – Tomorrow Never Dies
We weren’t sure there was much spark here in the first place. The pair only really seemed to Bond over high-octane spy stuff (like sharing a motorbike as they helped blow up half of downtown Ho Chi Minh City).
14. Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman) – Goldfinger
As with Honey Ryder, “conflicting character traits” are blamed for the inevitable collapse of any relationship between Pussy and Bond. Plus she does have a very silly name.
15. Tracy de Vicenzo (Diana Rigg) – On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
Amazingly, the only woman Bond ever married is also the least compatible. Apparently her “anxiety and unstable past” would have made her struggle with Bond’s lifestyle.
So her getting gunned down in a drive-by shooting on their wedding day was a blessing in disguise really…