SUZANNE HARRINGTON

SUZANNE HARRINGTON: For bottom’s sake, Clean Reader app is going too far

Imagine if a barely literate Ned Flanders climbed through your window and got his hands on your books. Your literature, your novels, your classics, your memoirs, your contemporary fiction, your cult titles.

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Elton John on song in his anger about ‘designer’ baby comments

I am so furious at my sunglasses I could splinter them into a million tiny pieces, writes Suzanne Harrington.

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Outside the box: Bishop of Elphin & Being Gay or Female

AND so to the Bishop of Elphin, and his pronouncements on rape, parenting, and homosexuality, writes Suzanne Harrington.

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Jeremy Clarkson and his co-presenters have transformed Top Gear from a staid car review into a bloke's lifestyle fantasy. It is one of the BBC's best-rated shows.Picture: The Times/Gallo Images/Getty Images

SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Cult of Jeremy Clarkson won’t be damaged by latest bust-up

Love him or hate him, Jeremy Clarkson’s disdain for anything remotely PC was a cash cow for the BBC. So even if the Beeb do dump him, he’ll be snapped up says Suzanne Harrington

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: To boldly go where no camera has gone before

MY grandmother, who died many years ago, was fond of saying that she had lived too long.

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: I’m stuck in a car with two children, but sh*t happens

THE lovely people at Penguin sent a book about the Roman philosopher, Seneca, written by a professor of classics, Emily Wilson.

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Sign this 7-point contract before watching ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

BEFORE you go to see Fifty Shades of Grey, you must enter into a contract. The contract is between the film dominating cinemas everywhere, and the audience submitting two hours and five minutes of their lives which they will never get back.

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Relationship where you can have it all, I’m all for LAT

Apparently my man and I are very modern. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that we are one of those new-fangled LAT couples.

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Working from home with the Siberian hamsters

WORKING from home means a lot of time to stare distractedly out the window, wondering why you are here, what your purpose is, and whether your team will get out of the relegation zone before it’s too late.

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Arts Council cuts funding to children’s books yet still supports animal circuses

Suzanne Harrington asks whose genius idea was it to cut children’s books while still funding animal suffering?

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Oops! We all made a boob. The Sun has not covered up its anachronistic ‘page three’

BOOBS out of The Sun! Boobs out for The Sun! Crikey, make up your mind, Rupert.

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Suzanne Harrington says anyone that promises fast results to a long term problem ishaving a laugh.

SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Self-help is no help — that’s useful knowledge

Few books in the self-help section will ever turn your life around, writes Suzanne Harrington. Real personal development requires far more time and often, professional help

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Religions are like penises: it’s acceptable to have them but not to think with them

THIS week, I learned on social media that a religion is like a penis. It’s fine to have one, and fine to be proud of having one, but it’s not fine to get it out in public, especially near children. Nor is it fine to write laws with it, nor to think with it.

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Only item on my 2015 ‘to do’ list is to be happy with who I am and what I have

MAYBE I’m a pervert, but I love January. Its calm gloom is like sinking into a cooling bath after the overheated mania of December.

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SUZANNE HARRINGTON: Forget Movember, what about ’veganuary’

Whenever we do stuff like Stoptober or Movember, it’s always to benefit ourselves. Movember is all about showing your awareness of prostate cancer by sporting a great big freshly-grown moustache which gets you extra likes on Facebook, while only the most uni-cellular amongst us need the benefits of stopping smoking in Stoptober spelled out.

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