Another heartstopper: why is this so frustrating?

At least we didn’t lose sight of the leaders. Beating Leicester keeps City and United within raha ha ha ha ha ha. Ah no, not with a straight face…

Here are the chats that took place in the summer.

United: “This is all lovely but it’s a bit skimpy up top. Want us to get someone to help you score more goals?”

Jose: “do it”.

Liverpool: “This is all very nice but we don’t half ship some daft goals. Want us to get someone to make us a bit more secure?”

Jurgen: “Balls to that”.

And that’s what everyone will be discussing all season, why there’s a premature air of despondency. We’ve reached the realm of disenchantment earlier than usual.

No one counts Hodgson because there was no enchantment to dis in the first place. Still impressive, though.

Arrogance or stupidity, it amounts to the same thing. I think Donald Trump said “you can quote me on that”. The countdown to an ugly end has probably begun. The team can’t defend and there’s already signs we won’t stay fit either.

Why is this so frustrating? Liverpool fans have been through this half a dozen times at least. It’s because the good stuff is so good, it just feels like a huge opportunity being tossed aside.

Three points or the next round of the Carabao Cup was no choice at all, so it’s been a good week actually.

But oh how they managed to get there. As a kid, I always thought the wheels coming off clown cars was funny. Guess we all have to grow up sometime.

Can’t be annoyed with Vardy, wish he played for us actually. All that Suarez worship, will to win, we love a bastard etc. Not when it’s done to us, obviously. The penalty miss was a genuine delight.

My heart almost stopped of course, not for the first time. Does it really have to be like this? It’s okay telling yourself that you’ll stop getting carried away with this guy in charge; it’s ending in tears anyway, just wait patiently for them.

And I can’t, I just can’t. The desolation when we thought it would be 3-3, it’s indescribable. Ten games. 20 scored, 18 conceded. That is absolutely nuts.

Neutrals are loving it obviously, a circus on a loop for them. Sorry, but we used to win stuff, and with a soupcon of tinkering pragmatism we could do so again.

Coutinho looks bothered, when everyone said he wouldn’t be. He’ll still want that move, so I suppose you’ve got to show some professionalism and keep going.

Salah’s ace and Mane comes back in Moscow, but the rest? In my neurotic state I began thinking they were doing this on purpose.

Mignolet chose to kick Vardy rather than just dive at his feet then casually saves another penalty like it was nothing. I don’t know why they’re doing this to us, but the joke stopped being funny months ago and we’d really like you to stop.

They won’t, though. Leicester were nasty and the referee even embellished their theatre of slyarsery. I was furious at the time but in a way I admire it.

Winning at any cost, allied to what Klopp has already managed to instil at our club — again, to be clear, that is still fairly substantial — and we’d challenge, we really would.

I wonder what’s left in the tank for Spartak tomorrow? It didn’t look like much when Taylor reluctantly blew the final whistle.

If it’s this exhausting watching them, imagine what it must be like on the pitch. These are the kind of games you get in December, not late summer. It feels too early to be this sloppy.

Klopp’s inflexible pursuit of a new way should at least be fun to watch but it’s not; it’s agony. In interviews he’s already beginning to sound rattled. Join the club, pal.


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