Whatever happened to French gallantry? Sending out a woman to take the jeering?

By Michael Moynihan

Monday, February 13, 2012

Common sense takes week off — now that is a dealbreaker.

Since we checked in with you last week half-a-dozen hurlers retired, or withdrew, or stepped back from the inter-county game, to consternation (general) and hysteria (specifically) about the demands on top players.

Fabio Capello walked out on the England soccer team on the same day that Harry Redknapp was exonerated of charges of tax evasion.

On Saturday afternoon you had Handshakegate at Liverpool versus Manchester United, when one dislikable millionaire snubbed another dislikable millionaire, and for some reason everyone chose to be surprised.

On Saturday evening, we had the roasting-cheek embarrassment of a Six Nations game being called off within a minute or two of kick-off in Paris, despite freezing temperatures in the French capital all week.

Don’t even get me started about the sad news of Whitney Houston’s death.

You know, there are weeks in the year when even one of those incidents would fuel a couple of days’ work...

Anyhow, after a sleepless night and a nasty chest infection, yours truly isn’t in any form to be accommodating. We’re running a guillotine on public interest in these topics, and we aim here to ape Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, who enjoyed a brief vogue dispensing common-sense wisdom by pointing out that real problems are ‘dealbreakers’.

Saturday night in the Stade de France: the point is not leaving it until the last possible second before telling 80,000 people they’ll have to truck back into town without seeing a game, it’s sending out a woman to face the music.

Whatever happened to French gallantry? Some geezer in a parka passes over a microphone to the lady in a dark coat and she has to take the jeering? If I’m being sexist, so be it, but I have to say to the Stade de France management, not facing the music? That’s a dealbreaker.

Saturday afternoon and Luis Suarez doesn’t shake hands with Patrice Evra before Liverpool and Manchester United play each other. This means trouble.

Not trouble in the sense of ‘where-is-the-game-going?’, because the game will not be getting out of the U-bend it is lodged in any time soon, but trouble in the sense of mindless mouth-breathers insulting each other on Twitter.

Here’s our judgement: if we see one tweet with YNWA or #scousescum attached, then rest assured — that’s a dealbreaker.

Working backwards to Redknapp and Capello, did you get the ‘hilarious’ photo of Harry on the phone with a speech bubble saying: ‘Not guilty, honest’, and the accompanying photo of Capello, also on the phone, with ‘Really? Well, a bet’s a bet...’ in his speech bubble? (If you laughed, by the way, that’s a dealbreaker).

We like Harry in this corner of the paper, principally because he’s so cockneyfied he seems to be channelling Dick Van Dyke in Bedknobs and Broomsticks all the time.

But Harry, if you become England manager...that’s a dealbreaker.

Backing up the truck to the retirements, temporary or permanent, of various hurlers last week. One of them, Michael Kavanagh, had eight All-Ireland medals won, and another, John Dalton, had a sackful of medals but just couldn’t break into the Kilkenny team. John Mullane took a few weeks off in the spring, which is the norm for many veteran players.

Where’s the surprise, the these-demands-are-excessive in that? Lar Corbett seems to be the focus of some conspiracy talk, much of it focusing on the fact that he lives near Semple Stadium, so getting to training shouldn’t be a problem for him, therefore there must be trouble in the camp.

Well, we weren’t in Paris, or in Southwark Crown Court, this week, but we have been to Thurles on occasion.

A friend was going to a game in Semple a few years ago and noticed, on the pitch behind the Town End terrace, one Lar Corbett, standing near the sideline with a couple of dozen sliotars and hitting them over the bar.

When the game was over and the spectators were coming out, an hour and a half later, Corbett was still there, in the same spot, still hitting balls over the bar.

It all made sense when our pal picked up the Examiner the next Monday and saw L Corbett (Thurles Sarsfields) playing left half-forward in the NHL for Tipp.

If you can’t get yourself right, with all the time that that entails... that’s a dealbreaker.

And Whitney? You should never have hooked up with Bobby Brown, girl. RIP.

* michael.moynihan@examiner.ie Twitter: MikeMoynihanEx

This appeared in the printed version of the Irish Examiner Monday, February 13, 2012