We all know that when it comes to athletes, movie stars, celebrities, and even Big Brother evictees, most would cut off your right hand for a chance to plug their latest book, perfume and CD, or endorse a nine iron, gherkin or athlete's foot ointment.
They'll, for the most part, sell their soul for an extra shekel, lend their name to anything in exchange for a fat cheque and go on any lame television show that will have them in order to push an autobiography they've written but haven't read.
From David Beckham in his designer underpants and hi-tech football boots holding a fizzy drink in one hand and shaving with the other while wearing expensive sunglasses to the third-string fly-half in his sponsored Hyundai, everyone is trying their hardest to earn an extra euro.
There is, however, one sporting star who, in my experience, takes the McVities Hobnob – I love 'em, by the way - when it comes to shameless marketeering.
Step forward Ms Serena Williams, who last night in one 10-minute press conference ostensibly about her first-round victory at the US Open over fellow American Alexa Glatch, last night managed to plug her 'memoir', her jewellery, her clothing line and her sports drink.
The tell-tale signs that a multi-layered, many-pronged endors-athon was about to take place were evident the minute she walked into the interview room.
Striding into the media centre under Arthur Ashe Stadium (now that's an endorsement), Williams promptly replaced the strategically positioned bottle of official tournament spring water on the table in front of her with a giant container of isotonic liquid, neatly swivelling it around until the large manufacturer's logo was facing the cameras.
“There,” she said as she took her seat and adjusted her top, no doubt to smooth out the swoosh.
It took just four questions before Williams managed to slip a reference to her forthcoming book into an answer. What followed was an in-depth discussion of her decision to write an autobiog..., sorry, “memoir”, and her plans to appear at book signings.
There is no doubt that Williams has a fascinating story to tell, of an African-American girl coached along with sister Venus from an early age by their non-playing father Richard on the public courts of Los Angeles, bucking the country club mentality that dominates tennis in the USA to become the most successful grand slam winner of her generation.
Given the unedifying and blatant promotion she has given it these last few days, however, it would pain me severely to offer my hard-earned cash to line her deep pockets in order to read it.
Williams couldn't even get the name of her publisher right, not just mispronouncing but announcing a completely different company before another voice from the supposed ranks of the media called out the correct name.
Adding even more to my paranoia was the fact that this little episode did not appear in the official transcript of the press conference, Williams appearing to trot out her publisher's name with apparent perfection.
The nadir, though, came when what sounded suspiciously like a planted question was offered about the nature of the jewellery Williams was wearing.
Question: “Anything special about the jewellery you're wearing for this tournament?”
Answer: “Well, I'm wearing my whole collection from the Serena Williams Signature Statement, which is available on HSN, which I'm really...”
At that point, even she realised she was going too far as the journalists still left started to snigger.
“I'm sorry, but he asked, so...” she said in half-hearted apology before getting right back on the road to self-promotional hell.
“I'm really excited about it because I love jewellery, and I think people really know me for jewellery. It will be available starting September 19.”
By the way, I am also available for weddings, bar mitzvahs and first holy communions but will bring my own sports drink.
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