Fancy taking over a football team? Here’s how...

Business opportunity.

Officially, you’ve missed the boat, but with a fortnight left to the new Airtricity League season and just eight teams confirmed in the First Division, I’m sure a compelling proposal to the FAI will get you in the door.

Hold on, hear me out.

You’ll probably need control of a football club already, just to give the impression you’re not in this only for the money. From there, you’ll want a tidy stadium — plenty around you can rent — and a set of red shirts.

Then the rebranding. You saw what Salthill Devon have done. But we’re going to be much more ambitious. Our vision extends beyond county bounds. We’ll be calling ourselves Liverpool Gaels. Or — and this works on many levels — United Ireland.

Bound to be good for a few Celtic fans too.

From there, if you can at all, organise a few loan signings with Kenny or Fergie. Panorama tells us Bryan Robson is the man who can smooth things out on the United front. Nothing fancy, mind. A young lad or two they want rid of will do fine.

After all, your target market is one that has worked itself into a lather of frenzy and insult and claim and counter-claim over a handshake. Or the lack of one. It has slowed down the standoff and watched it from all angles, before restating its original position. Let’s face it, the football won’t be a priority.

You’ll need to keep things fresh. Keep serving improbable glamour. An occasional cameo from Liam O’Brien or Ken de Mange should do it.

Charge what you like. You will be a dream-maker. And you’ll make a packet.

The rest of the league won’t mind. At least, this way, they’ll get some small share.