Lanzarote: Bad memories blown away
Actually, puce doesn’t do it justice. Think of a sunburned tomato being strangled while singing opera. It’s super-puce.
I am in a bar in Puerto del Carmen half-listening to a man who is glowing with maudlin sentimentality about the Old Sod. He is ‘feeling’ the music, man — all three chords of it.
How often do the Irish drink beverages infused with coconut, mint and maraschino cherries down the pub? Never. Stick us in a Canarian Irish bar, though, and we’ll happily neck all the ingredients of a Christmas cake out of a frozen glass, because it’s cheaper than a pint back home. Jaysus.
And what is it with the Irish and ‘returning’? We save all year to ‘get away from it all’ and then spend two weeks listening to a man in an Irish bar singing about home? ‘I wish I waaaas, back home in Derrrrrry/Cork/Limerick…’
Why bother coming away at all? Spray on some San Tropez and go to Ballybunion.
I am ranting here because the last time I was in Lanzarote was going to be just that: the last time. 10 years ago I surprised my wife with a week in Puerto del Carmen. We didn’t enjoy it. There were too many Irish and English bars. We could have visited a tanning salon in Peckham or Mullingar and have come away with a greater knowledge of the Canaries.
We spent two weeks in Fuerteventura too and while we had enjoyed the latter, it hadn’t left any lasting impression.
So, why am I back in the Canaries? I’m here to here to see if there’s more to these popular islands than sunbathing and fried breakfasts. I’m also here to escape the Irish rain.
My first stop is the renowned Los Fariones Hotel in Puerto del Carmen. It’s a former five-star haunt of Bertie Ahern — but don’t let that put you off. Los Fariones is a Canarian institution: a big, professionally-run hotel, which manages to feel cosy and friendly. With its beautiful pool area and excellent buffet restaurant, it reminded me a little of a cruise ship. You could spend an entire holiday here and never venture outside its walls. (It even has its own private beach.)
The hotel is a good base to explore this volcanic, 314 sq mile-island. Hire a car: the roads are good and, apart from sightseeing, your own transport gives you the option of spending your afternoons in Playa Blanca where the sand is as white as table salt.
The island’s fiery past is omni-evident and informed most of the work of local hero, architect and artist, Cesar Manrique. Cesar was a contemporary of Picasso and is responsible for ensuring that there are no high-rise buildings on Lanzarote. If you’ve ever visited Salvador Dali’s house in Cadaques and enjoyed it, then put the Cesar Manrique Foundation on your to-see list. It’s not as mad as Dali’s pad, but it’s spectacularly beautiful, with its rough-magma edges and lower floor of tunnels and volcanic bubbles.
If you want to be prosaic about it, you could say it’s a perfect example of art co-existing with chaos.
After your dose of the arts, you might like a dose of crabs. Endangered ones. The cave at Jameos del Agua is an absolute must-see. It’s a vast lava-tube (as opposed to a lava-tory) with an enclosed lagoon which would be at home in a James Bond movie. It’s also home to a unique species of albino glow-in-the-dark crabs.
Be careful when taking photos: when we were there a clod-hopping tourist blundered into the dark water, accidentally massacring a family of crabs. (No, it wasn’t me.)
Once you’ve had your fill of glowing crabs, head to the original capital, Teguise, and its vast street market. I could have stayed all day in this pretty, whitewashed town, browsing the musical instruments, food and clothes stalls.
I am a Spanophile and, despite the volume of tourists, this felt like the most authentic Canarian experience of the trip. Grab a coffee and sit on a side street gawking at people. It’s what the locals do.
Later, pick up the pace and spend the afternoon in the volcanic Timanfaya National Park, an eerily beautiful place which has a Lord of The Rings ‘Mordor’ look to it.
Start your visit with a trip to the Cesar Manrique-designed ‘El Diablo’ — a spectacular glass-walled restaurant atop a volcano. The meat and fish dishes here are cooked in a hot crater at the door and the aroma is as spectacular as the views.
After a meal of Canarian stew, potatoes and mojo, watch the staff put the volcano through its hoops. There’s a childlike pleasure to be derived from seeing a bucket of water thrown down a hole and re-emerging as a high-powered geyser.
Our next stop brought us to Fuerteventura. Although only 25 minutes by boat from Lanzarote, the weather here is noticeably different. It’s windier than its little sister island, which is great for all coastal activities — bar sunbathing. It’s less commercialised/exploited than Lanzarote and is a lovely island — once you get out and see it. Hire a car and roam.
We stayed in the five-star Sheraton in Caleta de Fustes, which has a magnificent buffet (bring expandable pants) and pool area. Previously, we had stayed in Correlejo, which is very resorty but had excellent restaurants and a certain slow-rise charm to it.
The geranium-festooned, original capital — Betancuria — is worth a stop-off for a gander at the statue of Our Lord in the picturesque church of Santa Maria.
Fuerteventura is a lovely, laid-back island. Just drift through it and watch the locals going about their business. It has some excellent tourist traps like the Ecomuseoum of la Alcogida craft village which features traditional Canarian houses, and the handicraft village of Antigua. In the main, though, it’s just a nice place to meander.
It also boasts a world-class zoo. The kids will love the Oasis Park, La Lajita. So will you. Go for a camel ride and honk at the sea lions.
The highlight of our trip was a jaunt to the René Egli Sports Centre. I don’t swim and was a bit nervous about attempting to kite-surf. I needn’t have worried. The instructor only allowed me to surf the beach, which has given me an appetite to try it for real.
So what was the overall verdict on my time in the Canaries? The sunny sub-Saharan gems are a brilliant antidote to the Irish winter. However, we tend to do them a disservice by just sticking to the beach and the bars. I’m happy to admit I was wrong about these lovely islands. There are countless interesting things to see and do. I’m now itching to go back and learn to kite-surf. There’s that Irish ‘longing to return’ thing again.
There’s probably a song in it. Where’s my guitar? All together now: ‘Ohhhhhh, I wish I was back home in Fuerteventuraaaaaa…’
The best way to see these islands is to cherry-pick your own itinerary.
* www.turismolanzarote.com/en/
* www.visitfuerteventura.es/
* www.farioneshotels.com
* www.starwoodhotels.com/
* sheraton/property/overview/index.html?propertyID=1541
* www.spain.info
Eduardo Tjujerman; e-mail eduardo.guia.canarias@gmail.com
No Canarian meal is complete without a dish of mojo (pronounced mO-ho). This slightly spicy orange, red, or green sauce goes particularly well with ‘papas arrugadas’ — small, wrinkly, unskinned potatoes boiled in salt water. You’ll be offered it everywhere.
Another favourite is gofio, which is made by grinding roasted sweetcorn.
El Toro in Puerto Del Carmen is recommended for carnivores. For authentic Canarian food, those in-the-know- point to the rustic La Era in Yaiza.
Visit the Rancho Texas Theme Park in Lanzarote, with its birds of prey and performing seals. On Fuerteventura, camel-trek around the Oasis Park La Lajita zoo. www.fuerteventuraoasispark.com/
Learn kite-surfing: www.rene-egli.com
After taking the sprogs kite-surfing, head to the small town of Morro Jable — and specifically the San Borondon pub — for a glass of wine.
Still thirsty? Visit La Geria Winery (it’s only €1 a glass). www.lageria.com
(Search online for tours or rent a car.)
Timonfaya National Park.
Tindaya: a sacred place for the aborigines which features ancient footprint petroglyphs.
Tefia: The Ecomuseoum of la Alcogida craft village.
La Oliva: historical colonial house. One for a rainy day.
The Canaries are duty free. Prices differ between the islands. If you’re buying cigs (€18 for 200), get them in Lanzarote as they’re cheaper than Fuerteventura. Check allowance: customs are watching.
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